Hatred of Bullies Turns Smart People Into Idiots—Installment Two
When we hate, we become stupid and dangerous as our base, violent instincts replace higher-level thinking. And this is no less true when the object of hatred is bullies. What is so convenient about bullies is that we can hate them without being accused of racism. And the reason it is so easy to spread hatred of bullies is that we all think the bully is the other person. But hatred of bullies makes us just as stupid and nasty as does hatred of any other group.
My previous blog entry highlighted an article showing how smart journalists become idiots when they hate bullies. I recently encountered something closer to my own background.
I obtained an Orthodox Jewish education, attending Orthodox elementary and high schools. Jews learn to take pride both in our intelligence and in the morality of our way of life. Jews have been literate for thousands of years, while the masses around us often could not read or write, and we follow Biblical commandments that are meant to elevate people to a higher level of moral existence. From the age of nine or ten we study the Talmud, the Jewish books of law that employ a combination of logical principles and Biblical teachings to solve the problems of life. Unfortunately, the Orthodox Jewish educational world has not been immune to hatred of bullies, and has been sucked into adopting foolish policies that violate its own moral principles.
An Orthodox friend of our family emailed me a copy of the anti-bully policy just adopted by the Orthodox Jewish school he had attended as a child. This document is not unusual. It is similar to anti-bully policies adopted by schools throughout the country.
The following are excerpts from the policy:
“Courteous behavior is a prerequisite to Torah [Biblical] living….Bullying of any kind is unacceptable at our school. If bullying does occur, all pupils should be able to tell and know that incidents will be dealt with promptly and effectively. We are a TELLING school. This means that anyone who knows that bullying is happening is expected to tell the staff.”
As the policy states, the school requires “courteous behavior.” Since when is telling the authorities on people courteous behavior? It is despicable behavior. Getting people in trouble is one of the meanest things you can do. The Bible commands, “You shall not be a talebearer among your people.” [Leviticus 19:16]. Yet teachers of the Bible are instructing kids that they must tell on each other, and they see nothing wrong with it!
One of the most famous stories in the Bible is the saga of Joseph and his brothers. He would tell his father, Jacob, on them. Did they like him for it? Of course not. They plotted to kill him because of it, and they almost did!
Nowhere in the body of Jewish law and wisdom are people instructed to tell on each other for not being courteous. (“Bullying,” as defined by the academic experts and used by anti-bully policies, includes all behavior that is not courteous). When we witness people doing things that are wrong, the Bible commands us to tell them directly, not to run to tell the authorities: “…you shall reprove your neighbor, or you will incur guilt yourself.” [Leviticus 19:17]
The most revered Jewish book on the ethical use of words is called Ha’Chafetz Chaim, which means, He Who Desires Life, by Rabbi Yisrael Meir (HaCohen) Kagan. It is perhaps the most detailed manual you will find anywhere on avoiding hurting others with our words. But never does he instruct us to tell the authorities on others when we feel hurt by their words. “Telling” is not a Jewish concept. For that matter, it is not a concept in Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, or any other major religion or system of philosophy. It is simple foolishness and even leads to evil.
There is a prayer that Orthodox Jews say three times every day: “My Lord, prevent my tongue from speaking evil, and help me ignore those who curse me.” This recognizes how difficult it is to keep ourselves from speaking ill of others (yet we expect kids in school to always speak nicely) and that the correct response to the evil words of others is to ignore them. But now, rather than ignoring, we are supposed to tell. We no longer need God’s help, and Jews can now get rid of this prayer. Human authorities will solve the problem for us!
When schools order students to tell on each other, the school staff puts itself in the role of judge. But playing judge is a terrible thing to do both to the students and to school staff. Judges, at most, can make only one side happy. The two sides end up hating each other even more, for the winner feels justified in hating the loser, and the loser hates the winner for defeating him/her in court. And the loser hates the judge, too. Judges do not win popularity contests.
Moses Maimonides, the foremost Jewish philosopher of the Middle Ages, and perhaps of all time, said the following about judging:
The Sages of old were extremely reluctant to be appointed [as judges]. They avoided sitting in judgment unless they were sure there was no one else as qualified as they, and that the judicial system would collapse if they did not serve. Even then, they only sat in judgment when the community and the elders pressured them, pleading with them to accept the appointment. (Mishneh Torah, Yad Hachzakah, 3:10)
Wise people are not in a rush to play judge. But anti-bully policies require us to become fools.
Jews revere the Ten Commandments. Forcing kids to “tell” inevitably leads to gross violation of one of those Commandments: Do not give false testimony. A Jewish principle tells us that we are not supposed to put people in a position where they are likely to be tempted to commit a sin. But that’s what happens when we make ourselves judges between kids. They discover they can get other kids in trouble simply by telling on them. Some kids will resort to outright lying, or at least to exaggeration or fudging of the truth, for the purpose of getting kids they don’t like in trouble with the school. But even more common, kids who are accused of being bullies will naturally try to defend themselves from the charges, and often give less than objective versions of the truth in order to avoid getting punished. Thus, “telling” policies practically guarantee that there will be an increase in violations of the Commandment not to give false testimony. (For more detail on this phenomenon, read my article, A New Kind of Bullying: Bearing False Witness).
I was a young adult in the ‘70s, and the major Jewish political movement of those years was obtaining freedom for Soviet Jews to emigrate. Perhaps the most depressing aspect of life in the Soviet Union was that the government ordered everyone, including children, to tell the authorities on anyone who spoke against the Communist Party. Many people, not least among them Jews, were critical of their despotic totalitarian government, but they had to keep their mouths shut. They couldn’t trust anyone because they never knew who would turn them in to the authorities. There were many stories of parents who were sent to prison because their own children told the authorities on them. Apparently, hatred of bullies has given the staff of today’s Orthodox Jewish schools amnesia, for they no longer remember the conditions from which they were trying to free Soviet Jews, and are adopting totalitarian policies, ordering their own student body to be informers against each other.
I attended Orthodox Jewish schools long before the days of anti-bully policies. Were kids always nice to each other in those days? Of course not. There were kids who got picked on more than others. There were lots of play fights. And once in a blue moon there would even be a real fight. But the situation was certainly no worse and probably a lot better than it is today, with all our no-tolerance-for-bullies policies. Yes, our rabbis taught us the importance of being nice to others, but they never, ever told us that we should inform on each other when we weren’t nice. No one–staff, parents, or students–were foolish enough to expect that a school could guarantee that kids kids would always be courteous to each other. And if we want our schools today to have less bullying, we would be wise to get rid of this expectation, too.
But of course everyone loves to hate bullies, so even teachers of religion abandon their own religious principles to join the anti-bully witch-hunt. They fail to see that their anti-bully policies turn them into bullies. And the truly ironic thing is, as the evidence from all over the world is showing, the more they fight bullying, the more bullying they have to fight.
My previous blog entry highlighted an article showing how smart journalists become idiots when they hate bullies. I recently encountered something closer to my own background.
I obtained an Orthodox Jewish education, attending Orthodox elementary and high schools. Jews learn to take pride both in our intelligence and in the morality of our way of life. Jews have been literate for thousands of years, while the masses around us often could not read or write, and we follow Biblical commandments that are meant to elevate people to a higher level of moral existence. From the age of nine or ten we study the Talmud, the Jewish books of law that employ a combination of logical principles and Biblical teachings to solve the problems of life. Unfortunately, the Orthodox Jewish educational world has not been immune to hatred of bullies, and has been sucked into adopting foolish policies that violate its own moral principles.
An Orthodox friend of our family emailed me a copy of the anti-bully policy just adopted by the Orthodox Jewish school he had attended as a child. This document is not unusual. It is similar to anti-bully policies adopted by schools throughout the country.
The following are excerpts from the policy:
“Courteous behavior is a prerequisite to Torah [Biblical] living….Bullying of any kind is unacceptable at our school. If bullying does occur, all pupils should be able to tell and know that incidents will be dealt with promptly and effectively. We are a TELLING school. This means that anyone who knows that bullying is happening is expected to tell the staff.”
As the policy states, the school requires “courteous behavior.” Since when is telling the authorities on people courteous behavior? It is despicable behavior. Getting people in trouble is one of the meanest things you can do. The Bible commands, “You shall not be a talebearer among your people.” [Leviticus 19:16]. Yet teachers of the Bible are instructing kids that they must tell on each other, and they see nothing wrong with it!
One of the most famous stories in the Bible is the saga of Joseph and his brothers. He would tell his father, Jacob, on them. Did they like him for it? Of course not. They plotted to kill him because of it, and they almost did!
Nowhere in the body of Jewish law and wisdom are people instructed to tell on each other for not being courteous. (“Bullying,” as defined by the academic experts and used by anti-bully policies, includes all behavior that is not courteous). When we witness people doing things that are wrong, the Bible commands us to tell them directly, not to run to tell the authorities: “…you shall reprove your neighbor, or you will incur guilt yourself.” [Leviticus 19:17]
The most revered Jewish book on the ethical use of words is called Ha’Chafetz Chaim, which means, He Who Desires Life, by Rabbi Yisrael Meir (HaCohen) Kagan. It is perhaps the most detailed manual you will find anywhere on avoiding hurting others with our words. But never does he instruct us to tell the authorities on others when we feel hurt by their words. “Telling” is not a Jewish concept. For that matter, it is not a concept in Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, or any other major religion or system of philosophy. It is simple foolishness and even leads to evil.
There is a prayer that Orthodox Jews say three times every day: “My Lord, prevent my tongue from speaking evil, and help me ignore those who curse me.” This recognizes how difficult it is to keep ourselves from speaking ill of others (yet we expect kids in school to always speak nicely) and that the correct response to the evil words of others is to ignore them. But now, rather than ignoring, we are supposed to tell. We no longer need God’s help, and Jews can now get rid of this prayer. Human authorities will solve the problem for us!
When schools order students to tell on each other, the school staff puts itself in the role of judge. But playing judge is a terrible thing to do both to the students and to school staff. Judges, at most, can make only one side happy. The two sides end up hating each other even more, for the winner feels justified in hating the loser, and the loser hates the winner for defeating him/her in court. And the loser hates the judge, too. Judges do not win popularity contests.
Moses Maimonides, the foremost Jewish philosopher of the Middle Ages, and perhaps of all time, said the following about judging:
The Sages of old were extremely reluctant to be appointed [as judges]. They avoided sitting in judgment unless they were sure there was no one else as qualified as they, and that the judicial system would collapse if they did not serve. Even then, they only sat in judgment when the community and the elders pressured them, pleading with them to accept the appointment. (Mishneh Torah, Yad Hachzakah, 3:10)
Wise people are not in a rush to play judge. But anti-bully policies require us to become fools.
Jews revere the Ten Commandments. Forcing kids to “tell” inevitably leads to gross violation of one of those Commandments: Do not give false testimony. A Jewish principle tells us that we are not supposed to put people in a position where they are likely to be tempted to commit a sin. But that’s what happens when we make ourselves judges between kids. They discover they can get other kids in trouble simply by telling on them. Some kids will resort to outright lying, or at least to exaggeration or fudging of the truth, for the purpose of getting kids they don’t like in trouble with the school. But even more common, kids who are accused of being bullies will naturally try to defend themselves from the charges, and often give less than objective versions of the truth in order to avoid getting punished. Thus, “telling” policies practically guarantee that there will be an increase in violations of the Commandment not to give false testimony. (For more detail on this phenomenon, read my article, A New Kind of Bullying: Bearing False Witness).
I was a young adult in the ‘70s, and the major Jewish political movement of those years was obtaining freedom for Soviet Jews to emigrate. Perhaps the most depressing aspect of life in the Soviet Union was that the government ordered everyone, including children, to tell the authorities on anyone who spoke against the Communist Party. Many people, not least among them Jews, were critical of their despotic totalitarian government, but they had to keep their mouths shut. They couldn’t trust anyone because they never knew who would turn them in to the authorities. There were many stories of parents who were sent to prison because their own children told the authorities on them. Apparently, hatred of bullies has given the staff of today’s Orthodox Jewish schools amnesia, for they no longer remember the conditions from which they were trying to free Soviet Jews, and are adopting totalitarian policies, ordering their own student body to be informers against each other.
I attended Orthodox Jewish schools long before the days of anti-bully policies. Were kids always nice to each other in those days? Of course not. There were kids who got picked on more than others. There were lots of play fights. And once in a blue moon there would even be a real fight. But the situation was certainly no worse and probably a lot better than it is today, with all our no-tolerance-for-bullies policies. Yes, our rabbis taught us the importance of being nice to others, but they never, ever told us that we should inform on each other when we weren’t nice. No one–staff, parents, or students–were foolish enough to expect that a school could guarantee that kids kids would always be courteous to each other. And if we want our schools today to have less bullying, we would be wise to get rid of this expectation, too.
But of course everyone loves to hate bullies, so even teachers of religion abandon their own religious principles to join the anti-bully witch-hunt. They fail to see that their anti-bully policies turn them into bullies. And the truly ironic thing is, as the evidence from all over the world is showing, the more they fight bullying, the more bullying they have to fight.
posted by Izzy Kalman at
11:33 AM
3 Comments:
I grew up as an "Air Force Brat" frequently moving from place to place, as my father was transferred. I was usually in regular schools in the local community, where there was often, indeed typically, a certain rivalry between the "Townies" and the "Base Kids." I was a skinny kid, and often seen as an easy mark by the local bullies. One of the earliest lessons I learned, was that I had to be willing to stand up for myself when I got bullied. I didn't have to get into fights, but I did have to learn to respect myself enough to stand up to others. Once I learned this, and how to ignore their bullying effectively, it would simply evaporate, as bullying me apparently wasn't much fun anymore. I never suffered any lasting harm from being bullied. However, absolutely the FIRST lesson I learned, very early on, was that NO ONE respected or trusted a kid who "told on" others. It was typically the worst, most heinous possible offense, and separated you forever from the rest of the community of students. You might not get bullied anymore, but even worse, you were quietly, and permanently, ostracized. Being labelled as "a kid who tells," could follow you around for years, and seriously damage your social life (and probably your psyche as well). I'm reasonably certain the same effect would still occur in schools today. Further, I don't see how anyone, especially the school authorities, could intervene effectively to reduce this sort of punishment by ostracism. If schools continue the way we are going today, I can only see this problem increasing, although I suppose, eventually, there will be enough ostracized "tellers" to form their own clique. On the other hand, since I doubt this group would trust each other, who do you suppose would want to join it?
Thanks for your article -- it is refreshing to see someone be bold and active in their faith and also aware of how the cycle of bullying/telling affects the lives people live. We should ALL strive to ignore insults and guard our tongues from evil. Yet I see that there are definitely times to tell an adult (i.e. like physical or sexual abuse), but not for cases that are less intrusive (i.e. calling kids "bad names"). Thanks for your thoughts.
Izzy,
You are right on with your biblical perspective. As a Christian I, too, am reminded of not only the Old Testament scriptures you list and apply, but also many similar insights from the Jesus in the NT. For example, turn the other cheek, go the second mile, be a peace with all men as much as it depends on you, blessed are the peacemakers, and many more. If those of us who claim spiritual values would remember these principles we would become peacemakers and not enemy-makers. We would, as did Joseph, Daniel, and Jesus, turn our "bullies" into buddies. Keep the faith, my friend.
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