Proud Victim Outraged at Charges of Being a Bully
The international anti-bully witch-hunt could be quite laughable if it didn't have such deleterious effects, such as promoting a victim mentality in society, and helping destroy the lives of countless kids who get accused of being "bullies."
Several weeks ago, I signed up for Google Alerts for the terms "bullies" and "bullying," so I receive an email notice when articles appear with those terms. I get dozens of links a day, and can't possibly read all of the articles, but I do try to glance at the headlines, and when there's one that sounds particularly interesting, I take the time to read it.
One that recently caught my eye was a British story, "Emmerdale actress 'shocked' at bullying claims." (By the way, the anti-bully witch-hunt seems to be even stronger in Britain than it is in the U.S.) As the story indicates, an English actress, Roxanne Pallet, who was a victim of bullying in school and is now an anti-bully campaigner, was accused in the Sunday Mirror of having bullied a couple of kids in high school. In other words, this woman who claims to have been a victim was herself victimizing other kids. She, of course, became outraged, insisting that as a virtuous victim she could not possibly have made other kids feel bad.
These conflicting accusations are possible because we have been brainwashed into believing that there are certain people in our midst called "bullies," who are evil and quite different from ourselves–who are not bullies–and there are people who are victims, and they are innocent and virtuous. We have forgotten that "bully" is not a diagnosis, but an insulting term we use against someone who makes us miserable and we don't know how to stop them. And we conveniently ignore the fact that victims are not necessarily virtuous, but actually are the most dangerous people both to themselves and others. They are often angry and hateful, and they believe that anything they do in revenge is justified.
Bully and victim are not objective diagnostic terms but subjective judgments. Most of the people who get called bullies insist they are victims, and from their point of view they are right. Roxanne Pallet thinks of herself as a victim and gets outraged at being called a bully. She is only aware of the misery that others caused her, but she can't fathom that she might have caused anyone else misery. Victims, after all, are virtuous and harmless. (Why, oh why, do all these frickin' victims have to periodically shoot up schools and tarnish this angelic image?)
Ms. Pallet also apparently takes pride in having been a victim, as though it's a badge of honor. What it really means to have been a victim is that she allowed herself to fall into the trap of getting upset by other kids, and didn't have the wisdom to successfully solve her social problems.
When will society wake up and realize that these categories of bully and victim are foolish and counterproductive? Few of us are saints, and just about all of us feel victimized by some people, and other people feel victimized by us. The bullies aren't other people. The bullies are us.
Several weeks ago, I signed up for Google Alerts for the terms "bullies" and "bullying," so I receive an email notice when articles appear with those terms. I get dozens of links a day, and can't possibly read all of the articles, but I do try to glance at the headlines, and when there's one that sounds particularly interesting, I take the time to read it.
One that recently caught my eye was a British story, "Emmerdale actress 'shocked' at bullying claims." (By the way, the anti-bully witch-hunt seems to be even stronger in Britain than it is in the U.S.) As the story indicates, an English actress, Roxanne Pallet, who was a victim of bullying in school and is now an anti-bully campaigner, was accused in the Sunday Mirror of having bullied a couple of kids in high school. In other words, this woman who claims to have been a victim was herself victimizing other kids. She, of course, became outraged, insisting that as a virtuous victim she could not possibly have made other kids feel bad.
These conflicting accusations are possible because we have been brainwashed into believing that there are certain people in our midst called "bullies," who are evil and quite different from ourselves–who are not bullies–and there are people who are victims, and they are innocent and virtuous. We have forgotten that "bully" is not a diagnosis, but an insulting term we use against someone who makes us miserable and we don't know how to stop them. And we conveniently ignore the fact that victims are not necessarily virtuous, but actually are the most dangerous people both to themselves and others. They are often angry and hateful, and they believe that anything they do in revenge is justified.
Bully and victim are not objective diagnostic terms but subjective judgments. Most of the people who get called bullies insist they are victims, and from their point of view they are right. Roxanne Pallet thinks of herself as a victim and gets outraged at being called a bully. She is only aware of the misery that others caused her, but she can't fathom that she might have caused anyone else misery. Victims, after all, are virtuous and harmless. (Why, oh why, do all these frickin' victims have to periodically shoot up schools and tarnish this angelic image?)
Ms. Pallet also apparently takes pride in having been a victim, as though it's a badge of honor. What it really means to have been a victim is that she allowed herself to fall into the trap of getting upset by other kids, and didn't have the wisdom to successfully solve her social problems.
When will society wake up and realize that these categories of bully and victim are foolish and counterproductive? Few of us are saints, and just about all of us feel victimized by some people, and other people feel victimized by us. The bullies aren't other people. The bullies are us.
posted by Izzy Kalman at
11:08 PM
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