The great advances in other sciences were made possible by the invention of new tools like telescopes, microscopes, and all types of electrical and electronic devices, that gave access to information otherwise beyond our grasp. On the other hand, the primary tools of the psychological professions - talking, listening, and observing - have always been around and used by people seeking to understand and improve the human condition.

Society will never have a handle on the problem of bullying if we keep on fooling ourselves with the idea that victims are virtuous and bullies are evil. As I mentioned earlier, true bullies are very rare. By true bully, I mean someone who sees himself as a bully and does not experience himself as a victim. I plan to bring you a story of such people in each newsletter. This first installment will tell you the story of Greg (not his real name).

For whatever reason, I've been barraged lately by people asking why I don't treat bullies -- why do I focus only on helping victims? I decided to devote most of the space in the current newsletter to this issue.

In the previous newsletter, I told the story of a "true" bully, one who doesn't consider himself to be a victim. What I am trying to show is that while we have demonized bullies, it is really victims who commit acts of evil. A true bully is usually not as evil as we would like to imagine. (Did you ever stop to think that the word "bully" - based on the animal bull - conjures up a figure with horns and a tail, just like the devil?)

I had been intending to watch this movie for a long time, but when a seminar participant last week in Baltimore recommended it to me because she said it illustrated what I teach, I decided to see it right away.

In the last two newsletters, I've been presenting stories of "true bullies" -- individuals who act as bullies and without seeing themselves as victims. My point in these vignettes is to show that bullies are not as evil as we are generally led to believe.

My ten year old daughter, Ayala, recently urged me to watch what she said was the best movie she ever saw. As usual, I tried to worm my way out of it because I feel I have better things to do than watch another teen film. And, as usual, I ended up watching because she has learned how to manipulate me better than any of my other family members.

People often ask me if I created Bullies2Buddies.com because I was a victim of teasing and bullying as a kid. This is a very good question. In fact, if you read the introductions to books on bullying, you will find that just about every single author had been a victim of teasing and bullying in their younger years. That is what motivated them when they grew up to help others tackle the problem.

You're not a bully, are you? You probably don't think so. At my Bullying and Sibling Rivalry seminars, between the end of April through the end of May, I had my seminar participants fill out an anonymous survey (anonymous so they wouldn't be reluctant to provide honest answers). One of the questions was, "I think I am a bully." Of the 484 completed surveys I collected, 470 individuals, or 97%, answered "No".

The Western World is moving in a dangerous direction - with good intentions, of course. In the interest of helping people, we are legislating policies that are anti- therapeutic and reduce individual responsibility for one's actions. To prevent anyone from the misery of being a victim, we are unwittingly teaching attitudes that actually encourage people to think and act like victims. The result is more victims, not less.