Occasionally I get evaluations from seminar participants criticizing me for being sexist. Why? Is it because they saw me discriminating in some form against women? I have nothing but the greatest esteem for women, and I certainly don't treat them worse than men. So why do they consider me sexist? Because of my grammar.

I started first grade in 1958 and completed college in 1974. I learned my grammar well. What I was taught, and what has been practiced throughout history, is that when using a pronoun to refer to an individual of unspecified gender (someone who could be either male or female), the masculine form "he" or "him" is used. This rule is used by all languages in the world. It was never meant to discriminate against women. It was simply a convention that was universally adopted because it is cumbersome and awkward to have to say "he or she" and "him or her" whenever referring to people of unspecified gender. For instance, one would say, "If someone is hungry, he should eat," rather than saying "If someone is hungry, he or she should eat." It is understood that the "someone" could be either a male or a female.

I was taught this rule by women teachers, and throughout all my childhood I never heard a woman suggest that the rule offended her.

The feminist movement tackled the status quo, and fortunately succeeded in righting many of society's injustices towards women (and there may be more room to continue in this direction). Political movements, as beneficial as they may be, sometimes go too far, and my personal opinion is that grammar has been one of those instances. Forcing people to say "he or she" and "him or her" does nothing to improve the objective condition of women in life. Women throughout human history have been intelligent enough to know when "he" and "him" referred to them and resilient enough not to be upset by it. If anything, using the masculine form to refer to all people unites men and women, while the cumbersome "he or she" and "him and her" differentiates between them.

To avoid using the masculine pronoun to refer to both sexes, people often use "they" instead, as in, "If someone is hungry, THEY should eat." However, this is simply incorrect grammar because "someone" is singular while "they" is plural.

Some writers these days can be observed to use the feminine pronoun "she" in the sweet but silly attempt to balance the injustice done to women by past use of the male pronoun, as in "If someone is hungry, she should eat." It does nothing to improve the situation of women, and it doesn't add any clarity to speech. If someone says "she" to refer to a person of an unspecified gender, is it any different from using "he"? And since it is contrary to custom, it leaves one wondering if the writer meant a specific female or a person of unspecified gender.

All this is effort is to avoid hurting people's feelings by things that never hurt their feelings in the first place. From good intentions, we've been trying to fix something that was never broken, and the solution is worse than the problem. It has become more difficult to speak and write freely. This is a reflection of the victim mentality that is being promoted by society, teaching people that they SHOULD be hurt by things people say to them, including traditional grammar usage. And it encourages people to be judgmental towards those who simply continue using grammar the way we have been doing from time immemorial.

I do a lot of writing, and the single most annoying part for me is having to find ways to word sentences so that I avoid offending those who think I should be saying "he or she" and "him or her." I don't like it, and if I don't always succumb to the pressure to write politically correctly, it is not because I am sexist. If people want to label me as sexist, I can't stop them, but it is they, not me, that are being judgmental. Please judge me by how I TREAT women, and not by my grammar usage.