Society will never have a handle on the problem of bullying if we keep on fooling ourselves with the idea that victims are virtuous and bullies are evil. As I mentioned earlier, true bullies are very rare. By true bully, I mean someone who sees himself as a bully and does not experience himself as a victim. I plan to bring you a story of such people in each newsletter. This first installment will tell you the story of Greg (not his real name).

Greg is now in his early 40's, a proud and loving father of two good boys. He is not a bully anymore, but he was one a couple of decades ago.

Greg grew up in a dysfunctional family, dropped out of high school, and hung out with the wrong crowd. A big bear of a man, he became a martial arts expert and soon thereafter established a successful "security" firm that did the kinds of things police are not allowed to. He feared no one. Greg tells me that he would actually enjoy beating up those he was hired to intimidate.

Something happened that made Greg leave this kind of life. He once kicked a guy in the head and caused permanent damage. Greg felt terrible, and has since been a constructive member of society and a leading member of his congregation.

And who said bullies have no empathy?