"Izzy, you are blaming the victim." This is probably the most frequent criticism I get. Several places throughout the website, I state unequivocally that I don't blame victims of teasing and bullying for what is happening to them because they can't possibly see how they are causing their problems. Nevertheless, some of my readers and seminar participants become enraged by my views and attack me for "blaming the victim."

How do I help victims? By holding them responsible for their problem. I reveal to them the "optical illusion" that is causing them to attract their tormentors. But I don't stop there. I give them the solution to their problem. I show them how to defeat their bullies without anyone else's help and without getting anyone in trouble. However, the taboo against "blaming the victim" is so strong that some people cannot tolerate the idea that the victim is in anyway responsible for what happens to him, even unintentionally.