What is our mistake? We have developed a "victim mentality." As I teach in my seminars, there is a difference between a "true victim" and a person with a "victim mentality." (The victim mentality is not unusual; in fact most people have it to some degree and modern society is unwittingly encouraging it.) The more often you are victimized, the more likely you are to develop a victim mentality. And we Jews have suffered so much violence and discrimination in our history that it is not surprising that we have come to think and act like victims. Unfortunately, the victim mentality becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you think and act like a victim, the more you will be victimized.

True victims get sympathy. However, it is hard to feel sympathy for people with a victim mentality. And it is impossible to respect them because they sound and act like losers. After the Holocaust, we had the world's sympathy and the UN gave approval for a Jewish state. We said "Never Again!" Yet it IS happening again. And rather than getting the world's sympathy today, we are reviled no less than we were before World War II. People love infuriating us by comparing Israel to Nazi Germany. Most people in the world actually believe it is our fault when we get blown up by terrorists.

How can we get sympathy as victims when our group is the most financially successful in the world, and we have a country that has become, in the matter of a few short decades, the most powerful country in the Middle East?

Why aren't we getting sympathy? Because of the victim mentality. Not only ours, but that of the rest of the world.

One aspect of the victim mentality is that the weak side in a conflict is automatically the good one. People tend to have sympathy for the apparent underdog, and the side who suffers more in a conflict gets conferred with the halo of righteousness. Since we - exemplified by the State of Israel - don't seem to be weak at this time, it is hard for us to get sympathy. And I hate to say this, but I believe we Jews have been a major force in teaching the victim mentality - which includes the idea that the weak one is the good one - to the rest of the world, only to have it used against us.

For centuries, we Jews have seen ourselves as a "light unto the nations," meaning that it is our job to teach the rest of the world how to live. Unfortunately, we have been doing an inadequate job in teaching some of the true lessons of Judaism, while doing an exemplary job at teaching other groups to see themselves, like Jews, as victims, and not to tolerate anyone who says anything they might find offensive.

For the last sixty years, we have emphasized the Holocaust so much - not only to others, but to ourselves - that Jewish identity has become almost synonymous with victimhood. Ask most people in the world what they know factually about Jews, and there is a good chance that they will say we were victims of the Holocaust. Our Holocaust museums have made it their objective to fight intolerance not only of Jews but of any ethnic and religious groups. Our organizations go into schools teaching everyone about intolerance. And the students are learning well. I believe we Jews can take credit for teaching the public that the worst thing that can happen to them is to have someone say something offensive to them.

In coming installments I will be explaining this further. I will be showing how we Jews have been violating the Bullies to Buddies rules, and demonstrating that by using these rules, we can turn from losers into winners - to the benefit not only of ourselves, but everyone else as well.