Lectures
Who are the Bullies?
Schools throughout the country are being required to implement anti-bully programs. Forty-four of our fifty states already have school anti-bully laws on the books, and New Jersey, in particular, has recently announced its determination to intensify its campaign against bullies. Bullying in the workplace is also becoming an issue of growing concern. As a result, mental health professionals are becoming increasingly involved in the effort to make schools and society safe from bullies. Oddly, bullying seems to be have become an escalating problem during the same period that society has been fighting it the hardest!
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718-983-1333
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Who are the Bullies?
Schools throughout the country are being required to implement anti-bully programs. Forty-four of our fifty states already have school anti-bully laws on the books, and New Jersey, in particular, has recently announced its determination to intensify its campaign against bullies. Bullying in the workplace is also becoming an issue of growing concern. Bullies have become a common topic in both the professional literature and the popular media. As a result, mental health professionals are becoming increasingly involved in the effort to make schools and society safe from bullies. Oddly, bullying seems to be have become an escalating problem during the same period that society has been fighting it the hardest!
If you are already involved in anti-bully initiatives, you have probably experienced frustration. No one comes to us for help complaining that they are bullies. Everyone who seeks help is a victim. If the problem is the bully, it means the problem is not the client. How can we help our clients solve their problems if, whenever they come to us for help, we need to make other people change? When we accuse people of being bullies, they usually deny it and often claim they are the true victims. When alleged bullies are referred to us for treatment they come against their will, making it very difficult to help them change.
If you have found the field of bullying confusing, you are not alone. In this unique presentation, you will learn that your perplexity is not your fault. It is caused by the very definition of bullying that has been given to us by the academic bullying experts, a definition by which either none of us or all of us are bullies. Furthermore, you will discover that the true problem we should be focusing on as mental health professionals is not bullies, but victims!
About the presenter: Nationally Certified School Psychologist Israel (Izzy) Kalman is Director of Bullies to Buddies, Inc. He has been a school psychologist and psychotherapist for over 30 years. Mr. Kalman is creator/author of the website www.Bullies2Buddies.com and of a variety of books and materials on bullying. His whole-school violence reduction program is called Victim-Proof Your School and eliminates bullying by teaching people not to think like victims. He lectures full time on bullying and anger control to mental health professionals and educators throughout the country, and has the dubious distinction of being the world’s most vocal critic of the anti-bully movement.
Humor: The Antidote to Anger
Everyone knows the value of humor. It helps us heal, gets us out of the doldrums and makes us stronger. As Reader's Digest has taught us so well, "Laughter is the Best Medicine." Counselors and therapists often want to know how to use humor in their work with clients. But, aside from putting on a rubber clown’s nose, no one seems to give them a clear way to do it. After a few seconds, the nose loses its novelty.
Izzy Kalman will turn your beliefs about humor upside down. Everyone thinks humor is positive and uplifting. You will discover that the opposite is true–humor is negative and downputting. Don't believe it? Then try this simple experiment: find a funny compliment that has nothing negative in it. You will discover you can't do it.
This lecture will show you things you will find in few psychology courses or textbooks: why it is biologically healthy for people to make fun of each other and themselves. And learn a simple approach to helping people that makes them laugh without your even trying to be funny.
We all know the value of humor. It helps us heal, gets us out of the doldrums and makes us stronger. As Reader's Digest has taught us so well, "Laughter is the Best Medicine." Counselors and therapists often want to know how to use humor in their work with clients. But no one seems to give them a clear way to do it.
Izzy Kalman will turn your beliefs about humor upside down. Everyone thinks humor is positive and uplifting. You will discover that the opposite is true–humor is negative and downputting. Don't believe it? Then try this simple experiment: find a funny compliment. You will discover you can't do it.
Discover things you will find in no psychology course or textbook: why it is biologically healthy for people to make fun of each other and themselves. And learn a simple approach to helping people that makes them laugh without your even trying to be funny.
Who are the Bullies?
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Schools throughout the country are being required to implement anti-bully programs. Forty-four of our fifty states already have school anti-bully laws on the books, and New Jersey, in particular, has recently announced its determination to intensify its campaign against bullies. Bullying in the workplace is also becoming an issue of growing concern. Bullies have become a common topic in both the professional literature and the popular media. As a result, mental health professionals are becoming increasingly involved in the effort to make schools and society safe from bullies. Oddly, bullying seems to be have become an escalating problem during the same period that society has been fighting it the hardest!
<!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]-->
If you are already involved in anti-bully initiatives, you have probably experienced frustration. No one comes to us for help complaining that they are bullies. Everyone who seeks help is a victim. If the problem is the bully, it means the problem is not the client. How can we help our clients solve their problems if, whenever they come to us for help, we need to make other people change? When we accuse people of being bullies, they usually deny it and often claim they are the true victims. When alleged bullies are referred to us for treatment they come against their will, making it very difficult to help them change.
<!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]-->
If you have found the field of bullying confusing, you are not alone. In this unique presentation, you will learn that your perplexity is not your fault. It is caused by the very definition of bullying that has been given to us by the academic bullying experts, a definition by which either none of us or all of us are bullies. Furthermore, you will discover that the true problem we should be focusing on as mental health professionals is not bullies, but victims!
<!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]-->
About the presenter: Nationally Certified School Psychologist Israel (Izzy) Kalman is Director of Bullies to Buddies, Inc. He has been a school psychologist and psychotherapist for over 30 years. Mr. Kalman is creator/author of the website www.Bullies2Buddies.com and of a variety of books and materials on bullying. His whole-school violence reduction program is called Victim-Proof Your School and eliminates bullying by teaching people not to think like victims. He lectures full time on bullying and anger control to mental health professionals and educators throughout the country, and has the dubious distinction of being the world’s most vocal critic of the anti-bully movement.
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How We are Raising a Generation of Emotional Marshmallows
Every thinking person wants children to grow up resilient. Life is difficult and unpredictable and we want our children and students to be able to handle the hardships rather than falling apart. Unfortunately, society, including the social sciences and the mental health professions, is doing a lousy job of promoting resilience. Kids are getting increasingly upset by bullying both in school and over the phone and Internet.
This lecture will help you understand how all of our efforts to protect children are backfiring. Rather than helping kids become people who can weather the “slings and arrows” of life, current social and educational policies are producing a generation of emotional marshmallows–kids who believe they are entitled to a life in which no one upsets them, and can’t tolerate any insult to their minds and bodies.
How to Discipline Morally so We Raise Moral Children
For decades, parents and educators have been trying to raise children who are moral, but we seem to be losing ground. Bullying in school is said to be a growing problem, and kids are at least as rude and disobedient at home as ever.
Why are we making so little progress? Ask yourself the following question: Can we expect to raise children who are moral if we discipline them immorally? Of course not!
Unfortunately, adults, both at home and in school, take it for granted that what they do in the name of discipline is good. But we shouldn’t take it for granted. Discipline is very serious business. They way we discipline children will influence how they understand what they did wrong, how they behave in the future, and how they discipline their children when they grow up. You will discover in this lecture that many of our common disciplinary policies are immoral and teach kids to be immoral in turn. And you will learn ten ancient principles of wisdom that will make discipline easier, more logical, and more moral. Follow these simple guidelines and you can’t go wrong
The Golden Rule: The Age-Old Formula for Turning Enemies into Friends
2400 years ago, Aristotle made a logical proof that the best way to live our lives is by the Golden Rule. Every major religion as well as agnostics and atheists recognize the value of the Golden Rule. It’s obvious that if people lived by the Golden Rule life would be wonderful. So why don’t the social sciences, mental health professions and educational world teach people to live by the Golden Rule?
There are two basic reasons. One is that very few people actually understand what the Golden Rule is actually about. They think it means that if I am buying you a tie for a gift and I like red ties, I have to buy you a red tie even though you may like blue. But this is an infantile interpretation of the Golden Rule. Many people think that it means that we are supposed to be nice to people. But we don’t need the Golden Rule to teach us that it is important to be nice to people; that is too obvious.
The second reason is that the Golden Rule has become associated with religion, and science is divorced from religion, so the social sciences, mental health professions and schools essentially ignore it. And even when schools try to teach the Golden Rule, especially in anti-bully lessons, they often do it in a way that violates the Golden Rule!
You will learn that the Golden Rule is not a religious rule. It is a psychological rule. It is a simple formula for a strong society and good relationships. And it is the ultimate empowerment. It turns your enemies into friends. People who truly live by the Golden Rule rarely have relationship problems and they aren’t victims of bullying.
You will also learn a set of simple rules for the practical application of the Golden Rules so that you can turn just about any relationship around and live in greater peace and harmony.
Why the Anti-Bully Movement is Failing
For a decade since Columbine brought the suffering of victims of bullying to the public’s awareness, schools throughout the modern world have been trying ceaselessly to get rid of bullying. At best, there has been no improvement. More often, people complain that bullying is becoming a more serious problem. Every state and country that has passed school anti-bully laws is experiencing an intensification of bullying. Why? Shouldn’t bullying be going down after a decade of effort?
The simple truth is that bullying is becoming a bigger problem because of our anti-bully policies! You will learn that the anti-bully movement, which was begun by a psychologist and is promoted by psychologists, is actually terrible psychology. Even worse, school anti-bully laws require schools to promote this destructive psychology!
Izzy Kalman, Nationally Certified School Psychologist and founder of Bullies to Buddies, Inc., is the world’s most serious critic of the anti-bully movement (in fact, he is practically the only critic) and will show you simple things about the anti-bully movement that no one in the world is telling you. You will learn how anti-bully policies violate the most basic and universally accepted psychological and philosophical principles, and how the psychological research on bullying is fundamentally biased and scientifically invalid. You may come to the lecture being a skeptic, but you will leave wondering why you never saw these obvious truths on your own!
Correcting our Mistaken Beliefs about Children's Aggression
For generations, the social sciences have been trying to figure out how to reduce aggression among children. The results haven’t been especially exciting. Every other field of science has had the most amazing accomplishments. They have sent people to the moon. They have mapped the human genome. They have eradicated illnesses and split the atom. And after decades of research, the social sciences are still trying to figure out how to reduce aggression. Sibling Rivalry is as common as ever. Bullying in school, if anything, is getting worse. The best we seem to be able to do is call for zero-tolerance policies. Yet research has been showing unequivocally that zero-tolerance causes more harm than good.
The basic reason for our failure is that we have mistaken beliefs and attitudes regarding children’s aggression. We can’t solve problems if we understand them incorrectly. This lecture will get you to see that many of our commonly held beliefs about children’s aggression are misguided. These beliefs will be replaced my more realistic views, views may be unpopular and distasteful, but can help us deal with aggression rationally and effectively. You will leave having different views regarding things like violence in entertainment and news, playfighting, punishment, and the role of genetics versus learning. You will discover that many of the things you though were bad are actually good. And, we hope, you will leave being less hysterical about children’s aggression.
Parenting
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Virtually no one who begins a family is psychologically prepared for the difficulty in store for them. Children devise endless ways to drive their parents crazy. No one loves children, and does as much for them, as their parents. Yet they treat their parents worse than they treat anyone else. The more we do for them, the less they appreciate it. Instead of thanking us for our devotion and sacrifice, they only get mad when we don't give them what they want. Most parents look forward to work as a vacation from the kids.
Fortunately, Izzy Kalman has an approach to parenting that makes it more simple and satisfying. He reveals the true, secret reason kids wage war on their parents and shows how easy it to make the war end. Almost all typical discipline and behavior problems can be solved with little effort. Parents learn how to turn a lose/lose situation into a win/win. As a result, parents get more respect and better behavior from their children than ever before. And their children are happier, too, when their parents aren't always yelling at them and bossing them around.
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