American Sportsmanship Association endorses Bullies2Buddies
"The American Sportsmanship Association officially endorses Izzy Kalman and his techniques. If you are serious about putting a stop to bullying and teasing you must use Izzy Kalman's techniques. I have spoken to hundreds of groups about bullying and teasing and never saw the results that I have after applying Izzy's strategies. I have seen every other program designed to stop this problem, but Izzy's is the only one that works! Read his books, buy his tapes, hire him to speak, and you will see results." Paul Reddick, Chairman
American Sportsmanship Association
More about our workshops and counseling services...
|
| |
A Message from the Twilight Zone
When I was a kid, I loved watching the Twilight Zone.
One episode disturbed me more than any other. Only recently
have I come to understand its significance.
This is the story. A driver gets caught in a terrible
storm at night. He knocks on the door of a large, gothic-looking
building with the hope of getting shelter for the night.
A bearded man who looks like a monk opens the door. He
doesn't want to let him in, but does so only because he
feels sorry for him. He says he can let him stay on one
condition. He must promise to stay away from the man in
the dungeon. The people in the house are a sect that has
been hunting the devil for centuries, and they finally
caught him and are keeping him imprisoned. If he is let
out, worldwide catastrophes will ensue.
As you might guess, the guest strikes up a conversation
with the prisoner through the small barred window in the
cell door. The prisoner says that he is being held by
lunatics and that he is nothing but an innocent victim.
Before long, our well-meaning visitor feels sorry for
this unfortunate man and opens the door of the dungeon.
The next few seconds have haunted me forever. The freed
man walks down the hallway. With each column he passes,
he looks more and more like the devil. By the time he
reaches the door to leave, the transformation is complete.
Yes indeed, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
|
| |
| |
| |
|
The World is a Dangerous Place
|
| |
The Twilight Zone story I just related is playing itself out in real life. Terrorism has put the world is in a very precarious position. It can literally tear down all of Civilization, and perhaps all of life along with it, if it goes unchecked.
Unfortunately, many people in the world are blinded by compassion. For the devil to succeed, he can't go around sporting horns, a tail, and a long, black cape. No one would be foolish enough to go near him. So he disguises himself as a victim. People instinctively have pity for victims and to want to help them.
Of course, some people are innocent victims and deserve pity and help. But the devil is hiding among them. This goes on at all levels of life.
Children knowingly antagonize their older siblings, who then get punished by their parents because they are bigger, stronger, and "should know better."
The Menendez brothers kill their parents then get leniency from the jury because they are orphans! (If you are interested in this case, copy the following address into your browser: http://www.lectlaw.com/boys.html).
Eric Harris and Dylan Klebald shoot up their school, Columbine High, and blame the bullies who teased them for their horrific deed. The Western World feels sorry for victims and declares zero tolerance for bullies, even though it is hate-filled victims who commit the atrocities.
Terrorists fly commercial airplanes into gigantic buildings and tell us that we made them do it! And the really scary thing is that so many of us believe them!
|
| |
|
Germany School Shooting
|
| |
Last month, Robert Steinhaeuser, a high school student in Erfurt, Germany, killed 18 people including himself in his school because his teachers wouldn't let him pass his exams. This, too, is the work of a victim. Crazed with desire for revenge, he believed his maltreatment at the hands of his teachers justified his taking the life of any teacher he could get in the crosshairs of his rifle.
In many ways this incident was similar to the Columbine massacre. The main difference, though, was that the targets of the shooter's wrath were not fellow students but teachers. Two students were killed unintentionally because they were behind a door he was shooting at.
One article that quoted a student who knew him saying that he was also a victim of teasing by peers, but not a heavy-duty victim. This is not surprising, because someone who cannot tolerate criticism from teachers is not likely to tolerate put-downs by peers. However, this problem was obviously not serious enough for him to want to kill kids.
After Columbine, the conclusion of the world was that teasing should be banned because victims of teasing can be driven to acts of extreme violence. If the same logic were applied to the shooting in Germany, we would be hearing experts proposing that schools be forbidden from giving failing grades to students. Unfortunately, the world's students aren't likely to have such luck.
To read more about the shooting in Germany, Google.com provides a large choice.
|
| |
|
Schools are Getting Safer
|
| |
In my essay, Columbine Made Simple (http://www.bullies2buddies.com/columbine/section2.ht ml) I explain that there is no "epidemic of violence" in our schools. Despite the national hysteria about this "epidemic," school violence has actually been on a steady decline. Why do experts and organizations that deal with violence prevention keep promoting the myth of this epidemic? Because it is good for business.
The school shooting in Germany spurred The Justice Policy Institute to examine the current state of school violence. The news is good. The latest data show that this past year has seen a continuation in the decline of school violence.
Read the Report of the Justice Policy Institute
|
| |
|
Time Magazine
|
| |
Bullies2Buddies.com was mentioned in Time Magazine last month. Their writer, Jeff Zaslow, contacted me about an article he was writing on whether parents should confront the parents of a child who bullied their child. He loved my ideas, though he couldn't mention them because of space considerations. However, he felt the website was important enough to list it as a resource for parents.
Read the Time article
|
| |
|
Further Tales of True Bullies
|
| |
In the previous newsletter, I told the story of a "true" bully, one who doesn't consider himself to be a victim. What I am trying to show is that while we have demonized bullies, it is really victims who commit acts of evil. A true bully is usually not as evil as we would like to imagine. (Did you ever stop to think that the word "bully" - based on the animal bull - conjures up a figure with horns and a tail, just like the devil?)
I recently had an interesting experience that was cause for some optimism. I presented a workshop on teasing and bullying to a group of 25 school psychology graduate students in New York City. At the very beginning, I asked them a question I had never asked a group before. I asked, "If you have to choose between being a bully or being a victim, which would you choose?" To my surprise, everyone answered "bully." Even though this group initially thought of bullies as the bad guys, not one person preferred to be a victim. Why did it make me happy? Because it showed that the gut feelings of these young men and women were healthy.
Well, here is another story of a true bully.
I'll call her Linda (not her real name). She is a young woman, a senior in high school, who sees me for a problem totally unrelated to school aggression. However, in describing her social relations, she said, a bit sheepishly, that she is a bully and enjoys it.
Linda is tall, thin, pretty, talented, and extremely popular. She is amazed that other students actually fear her because she certainly doesn't look like Chyna (the female wrestler) or even like Xena. But whenever kids in school feel intimidated by another student, they approach her for help. She goes over to their tormentor, makes a really mean face, and threatens them that they better leave "so-and-so" alone or else... And then the tormentor leaves the kid alone.
The role Linda plays is the same role that leaders in nature play. They become the leaders not only because of their ability to intimidate their own members -- they are also the first to defend the tribe from enemies and to keep order within the group.
Linda's friends love her, are loyal, and are very concerned when she seems unhappy. She is a natural leader, and I'm sure she will make a great boss if she ever is in such a position. The ironic thing is that when she goes home she loses her status and becomes a victim. She becomes the victim of a younger brother who annoys her terribly, and she hasn't been able to stop him no matter how hard she has tried. |
| |
|
