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I recently attended a fabulous seminar by Dr. Gregory Lester, who also works with Cross Country University. Dr. Lester teaches about personality disorders. He is one of the best, brightest, and funniest speakers you will ever hear. (To find out more about Cross Country University seminars, copy the following address into your web browser: http://www.ccuseminars.com/seminars/search.jsp) The seminar led me to give some more thought to personality disorders, which has become one of the most frequent diagnoses today. Indeed, it seems like almost anyone can fit into one of the numerous categories of personality disorders. From Neurosis to Personality Disorders (Please excuse me for the exaggerated generality of what I am saying in this article.) In general, people with personality disorders suffer in life, readily express their anger about their problems, and have difficulty maintaining relationships. However, they blame others for their difficulties and are surprisingly satisfied with themselves. They are also considered to be extremely resistant to psychotherapeutic help. Treatment involves trying to get them to blame themselves rather than other for their problems, but for some strange reason, they don't like this.
For much of the previous century, the most common psychiatric diagnosis was neurosis. In general, neurotics are people who suffer in life, but blame themselves for their misery. They bottle up their anger, but it seeps forth in the form of various symptoms. They are likely to stay in abusive relationships even though they are suffering because they blame themselves. For a long time, neurotics were considered difficult to treat, generally requiring years of psychoanalysis. However, the psychotherapeutic establishment ultimately made great strides, and neurosis has largely become a historical phenomenon.
How have we tackled neurosis so successfully? By teaching clients: that they are not responsible for their problems because their misery originates from abuse and neglect; that they have a right to be angry and shouldn't bottle it up; that they should esteem themselves regardless of their difficulties and what others think of them; and that they shouldn't tolerate abusive relationships. These philosophies of mental health have also permeated general society and popular psychology. As a result, we all know we are entitled to self-esteem, we are not to tolerate any abuse, and we should divorce partners who are cruel to us (contributing to the skyrocketing divorce rate in the country, now at 57%).
In other words, we have taught that the solution to being neurotic is to think like someone with a personality disorder! A major stumbling block to therapy is how to get clients to take responsibility for themselves because they easily interpret our efforts as our blaming them, and no one likes being blamed. Even neurotics, who seem to blame themselves, do not really like it when we agree with them that they are to blame. And personality disordered people certainly don't want to be blamed for their problems.
A second stumbling block to getting people to take responsibility for their problems is that they don't see how they are causing them. People with problems only experience themselves as trying hard to make the problems go away.
So what can we do? We need to make a clear differentiation between blame and responsibility - they are not the same. We need to hold clients, whether they are neurotic or personality disordered, responsible for their lives but without blaming them for their problems. How? The best way I know is through "Izzy's Game," the technique I developed and use with clients and teach at my seminars. It shows people how they are unwittingly causing their own problems. An "optical illusion" prevents them from seeing how they are actually causing the very problems they are trying to solve. Therefore they can't be blamed. But once they see through the illusion, it becomes easier for them to take responsibility and do the right thing to make their lives better. (I didn't intend for this article to become a plug for my seminars, but what the heck.)
Find out more about Cross Country University seminars. »
It would be wonderful if this were true - that only highly disturbed people can be bigots. The truth is that all of us can be bigots. If we are to learn anything from the holocaust, it is that civilized, intelligent, moral people can be taught to hate, to blame others for their misery, and to eagerly and self-righteously go about murdering another group of people. Not only is this not abnormal, it is actually the normal thing for people to do. Almost all peoples throughout the history of the world have harbored and cultivated hatred for another group. In present-day USA we are not so aware of it because we have done an excellent job of reducing the expression of racial hatred and marginalizing bigots. But even today racial hatred is going on rampantly throughout the world. There are probably well over a billion people on the planet who have a burning hatred towards Americans, and probably a few times that number who hate Jews. The people who harbor these views are not biologically different from you and I. They are, for the most part, moral people who love their families, their countries, and their God. The main difference is that they live in societies that actively teach and encourage hatred. People love to hate; it gives them a tremendous sense of power and righteousness. And when hatred is officially sanctioned, people cheerfully engage in it. When people hate in a group, their emotions get amplified and they can be driven to carry out the most horrific acts of violence. You may not be willing to admit it, but if you and I were born and raised in such a country, we too would probably be harboring vicious racist attitudes.
(If you like this newsletter, you will probably also enjoy previous Bullies to Buddies newsletters, all available on the website.)
To read previous newsletters... »
As I was driving in my car last night, I heard a news item on the radio saying that obese kids are at a greater risk of suicide because they get teased about their weight. This morning I looked up the Reuter's news agency on the internet and found a listing about this item. The source of this news is the current edition of the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine. It discusses a research study on obese teens and depression.
It is no surprise that obese kids get teased more often than their non-obese peers. Being teased relentlessly is a horrible problem, and obese kids are in particular need of the solution. If you know any overweight kids who suffer from teasing, please refer them to my free manual, How to Stop Being Teased and Bullied Without Really Trying, found on the website, www.Bullies2Buddies.com. Or send them the audio CD version, available for sale on the website.
Read the Reuters article on obesity and teen suicide. »
Though the critics did not care for the movie (it certainly can't be considered great), anyone in the mental health fields would probably enjoy it. The plot is outrageous, and Dr. Rydell's (played by Nicholson) anger management technique is entirely unrealistic, but there are many truly funny moments. John Turturro is brilliant as Chuck, a rage-filled psychopath, and demonstrates one of my claims - that many angry people, like the kids who have shot up their schools, have a defective sense of humor: they are not able to take a joke about themselves. And there is a wonderfully hilarious episode with the sexy and talented Heather Graham who becomes enraged because she can't handle anything she perceives as criticism about her body.
Not a great movie, but see it anyway. It will make you laugh, and laughter is good medicine.
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email: izzy@bullies2buddies.com voice: (718) 983-1333 web: http://www.bullies2buddies.com |
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