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I'd like to wish my readers a fun Halloween season. In
the Halloween spirit, I am taking the opportunity to let
you read a scary letter I just received.
This is the first time I have sent more than one
newsletter in a month. It actually takes me a great
deal of time to write each newsletter so I don't do them
more often, but this one is easy because someone else
wrote most of it for me. And I think it is important
enough to deserve to be read by my readers.
The Victim Mentality in Action
Some of the most hateful and nasty people you will
encounter are crusaders against hatred and nastiness.
I occasionally get angry letters from people who read
my website and disagree with me. Though there are
countless bully-bashing websites that support their
point of view and should make them happy, they are
incensed by one lone voice exercising freedom of
speech and presenting a contrary view. A few days ago
I received another such an email, but this one is
distinctive because of the obviously high intelligence
and articulateness of the writer, Andrew Collins.
No one, including me, is perfect and right all the time.
Nevertheless, I have done the best of my ability to
create and support (at my own expense) a website
that gives free advice that has helped many people
successfully (and some not-so-successfully) deal with
teasing and bullying. Mr. Collins would love to punish
those who insult others, yet doesn't seem to realize
that the insulting and demeaning way he characterizes
both myself and the teasers he detests is a perfect
example of the kind of behavior he is condemning. Or
does he think "emotional vampire" is a compliment?
The most disturbing part of his letter is his answer to
my rhetorical question from the website
chapter, "Getting Revenge":
"Can you really expect them [bullies] to receive a
horrible, horrible punishment when you were practically
begging them to torment you?" (The "horrible
punishment" refers to "bombing, shooting, or slowly
roasting [bullies] over a bonfire.")
Mr. Collins responds to this question:
"Simply: yes! I believe that psychological cruelty, the
kernel of evil thoughts, and the origin of all immoral
deeds, ought to be punished when it connects to
actual immoral actions that affect other people."
Yes, he actually believes that it is moral to respond to
teasers by subjecting them to a slow and painful death!
Shades of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebald!
But I'll let you read the letter for yourselves in its
entirety. By the way, if anyone can tell me where "the
fundamental right to be left alone" is granted, please
let me know.
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Andrew Collins' Letter |
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"Your advice for individuals dealing with
teasting is simplistic, demeaning and an
impediment to human moral progress.
"Teasing is definitely a psychological game.
"I sincerely doubt that your advice works
when the teaser has even moderately similar
characteristics to the so-called "Cluster B"
personality disorders, especially someone
who is a combination histrionic/antisocial.
"And, in the case of progressively more extreme,
nasty and disgusting teasing (much further
beyond the "it gets worse before it gets
better"-type), your advice is merely spitting
in the wind, it is decidely surreal in it's
optimism that teasers' behavior can be
influenced by some form of passive resistance.
"These emotional vampires, especially as adults,
simply don't get tired, bored or feel bad at
looking stupid. Their sick motivations are far
more powerful than mere interpersonal morality.
They have no sense of self-respect or conscience.
Younger teasers can sometimes stop their teasing,
but adult teasers are far more practiced in the
art of deceiving others--and themselves--as to
their baser, deeply entrenched desires and sick
motivations for teasing.
"Specifically, I feel very strongly that one of
your 'four points to understand' is entirely
the worst and most hateful advice. 'Accept
that your teasers are not completely to blame
for what they have done to you.' This advice
gives moral wiggle room to teasers where
there is absolutely none.
"Blaming actual, real-life human victims of
abuse for the abuse done to them is demeaning.
'Can you really expect them to receive a
horrible, horrible punishment when you were
practically begging them to torment you?'
"Simply: yes! I believe that psychological cruelty,
the kernel of evil thoughts, and the origin of all
immoral deeds, ought to be punished when it connects
to actual immoral actions that affect other people.
It is wrong.
"In most, if not all, cases of teasing and
bullying there is no 'begging for torment.'
"I am not being self-righteous, nor am I being
overly severe. I am stating clearly that my
personal moral beliefs--the ones that I hope
are incorporated into future human cultural
values, conflict squarely with yours.
"I am not expressing anything that is new,
founded solely in my own experiences of being
teased, or extreme: The concept of mens rea
(evil mind) has been informing legal process
for centuries!
"Teasing, bullying, hectoring, berating and
all forms of verbal abuse are wrong. It is the
*teaser* who bears the sole responsibility and
the sole guilt for their words and actions.
"In *exactly* the same way that rapists are
to be held responsible for their actions.
"It is truly sad that you have spent so much
time and effort on your website--for it to
be such a worthless description of current
morality and an active participant in
undermining human moral progress.
"Please drop your pseudo-religio-psycho-babble
and get back to the freedoms of being alive,
of basic human rights.
"It is a fundamental right to be left alone.
"Bullies and teasers violate that right.
"The mechanisms by which these violations occur are
interesting--from a clinical perspective. However,
you have conflated 'understanding the mechanism'
(science) with 'assignment of blame' (morality)
in such a way as to reduce the responsibility
of the primary actor, the teaser, and increase
that of the person being teased or bullied.
"This is a double-whammy to the person being
teased--they get teased, and they are to blame
for it! And a boon to the teaser: his/her
sick behavior isn't fully sick/wrong after all!
"The end result at the societal-level, across time,
is that teasing increases and the injustice of it
not being condemnded leads people to caring less
and less about people, their feelings and their
capacity for leading moral lives.
"Underlying all the above I want to make it clear
that I believe you have done nothing but maintain
the 'status quo' of the 'law of jungle,' with the
barest tissue of psycho-babble.
"You may forward, post or quote from this
comment, provided that it is quoted in its
entirety and appropriate credit is given
to Andrew Collins."
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