by Izzy Kalman, MS

 

What people are saying about the seminars:

“A little too much self revealing – more than needed. I felt a little talked down to. Didn’t enjoy being sung to when I can think of a lot of better ways to use my time. Maybe he can use break time to serenade people the song of his life story and use other modes of getting the points across.” – Name Withheld, Marriage and Family Therapist, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“The song was wonderful – like an audio vignette. It was extremely helpful to see the repeated illustration of crucial principles via role plays. The speakers complete possession of the material and ability to effectively deal with variables was superb.” – Sadaya Zimmerle, Social Worker, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“He is refreshing-open-honest-straightforward. Twenty five years ago as a young drug addict/prostitute I would have listened and learned from him. I use humor every day with my kids (my students). Plus, I love New Yorkers!! Thank you Izzy.” – Teri Delane, Psychologist, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“Thank you so much. This was a wonderful day of more eye-opening information to be used with my self and clients.” – Marvalene Burch, Case Manager/Social Worker, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“1. A huge part of the seminar was common sense – kept repeating the same material over and over– for hours! 2. Proposed solution not effective with serious anger. 3. Overly simplistic. 4. Like other Cross Country instructors, when asked challenging questions, he said he would answer them later and never did. It’s a way to deflect questions that presenters can’t answer (I’ve seen this in three classes). 5. Cognitive behavioral approaches aren’t effective with bipolar/complex PTSD or DV and other than mild anger.” – Mischa Countryman, Marriage and Family Therapist, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“A better, more entertaining seminar than I expected.” – Melissa Seka, Psychologist, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“This was an excellent seminar – I would recommend it to family and colleagues. Izzy has a delightful presenting style, wonderful sense of humor and a breath of fresh air approach to anger. Very useful! Thank you.” – Rosemary O’Neill, Marriage and Family Therapist, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“Loved the demonstrations and role playing. An animated presenter, very real, clear, clever.” – Johnnie Caston, Social Worker, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“Great interaction with the audience. Very dynamic presenter. See the direct application of the material to practice.” – Brad Novak, Psychologist, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“Loved irreverent sense of humor. Appreciated the fun interactive role plays. Thanks for the song – loved your willingness to share on a personal level, also, as it brought the didactic to life. I felt this is a great approach but it is not for every situation (but most). Thanks!” – Patricia Kaiser, Marriage and Family Therapist, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“Excellent, concise presentation. Well-integrated and pertinent role playing illustrations, leavened by relevant humor. It is rare to find a seminar with truly useful clinical and applicable demonstrations.” – Carole Derry, Marriage and Family Therapist, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“Excellent teacher. Wonderful role plays. I really enjoyed it. The best presenter.” – Roya Sakhai, Marriage and Family Therapist, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“Very good perspective grounded in historical and personal relevance. There is freedom in this approach both from the conflict and from within. Highly recommend this class! Wonderful handbook! Large type. Thank you for not doing a Power Point presentation. Much more personal.” – Lorraine Wilson, Marriage and Family Therapist, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“Very insightful program. I use some of your concepts currently in y anger management course. (I stumbled on them myself as you did.) But you’ve added a lot and I believe my clients (State Prisons) will really appreciate what you have to offer.” – Elaina Jannell, Psychologist, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“Strongly felt that the workshop was culturally insensitive. Many examples, i.e., song by Al Jolson (rather the musical selection) relates to horrible traumas that are not funny. Presenter must understand that the ‘yo momma’ jokes are historically a game called ‘the dozens’ used to (in a twisted way) to teach young African American children to protect themselves from racism. Racism is indeed painful and deadly. Be very careful of multigenerational trauma and everyday abuses.” – Name Withheld, Marriage and Family Therapist, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“Great presentation! Wonderful presenter!!!” – Cherie Campbell-French, Marriage and Family Therapist/Conservator, Oakland, California (9.19.07)

“As an elementary school counselor, I appreciate the validation of what I have been saying to the students at my school. It does work!” – Noreen Swenson, Counselor, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“Very good! I want to learn more. We would like to get you as a presenter at our school district.” – Donna Seager, Counselor, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“Your ideas have given me a lot to think about.” Virginia Craik, Educator, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“Excellent! A different way to look at anger management. Helps clients find solutions. Play ‘the game’ and teach solutions.” – Christine Shelton, Marriage and Family Therapist, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)
“I was offended by your using smuck. Otherwise it was a great presentation. I love Jewish humor!!” – Marcia Swingholm, Counselor/Social Worker, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“I have been using this model for several years to different degrees of success. This course helped me to continue with my mission.” – Brigitte Koehler, Technician IV Developmental Support, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“This was fun, practical, and proven, not just theoretical, complex and unproven.” – Daniel Lemaire, MFT Student, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“Thought provoking. Powerful. Potential to change lives – mine and my students’.” – J.G., Social Worker/Parenting Instructor, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“Izzy is absolutely fascinating. I was and am amazed that many of his ideas mirror my own.” – Kathy Boone, Case Manager, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“This was a wonderful and insightful seminar! I am taking back a plethora of strategies to use in my own situation. Ss well as teaching my students how to use these strategies, I will also share these with many of my colleagues. Thank you Izzy for opening my eyes.” – Mickey Kriethe, Educator, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“A wonderful seminar! I enjoyed the interactive instructional approach. This was certainly a new approach to this ‘old’ topic. Mr. Kalman was fast-paced, humorous and kept my attention (even after lunch!)” – Kathleen Hughes, Counselor/Social Worker, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“This is the best seminar I have attended in years! I actually am taking away useful techniques to apply on a daily basis. Thank you! Very funny and informative.” – Michael McMahon, Social Worker, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“I appreciated the experiential piece of the presentation – it always helps to observe/interact with theories and/or techniques. Also, I am [also] a fan of Adler and greatly enjoyed hearing his name and ideas spoken of enthusiastically!” – Jessica Edwards, Social Worker/Parent, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“Found your book a few years ago and used it as a middle school counselor. It works! Thank you. This was an exceptionally wonderful seminar; I will use it a lot in my private practice.” – Branda Kizor, Marriage and Family Therapist, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“It’s like having Woody Allen teach a seminar! Izzy was funny and had such interesting, valid, and non-conventional ways to control anger. I truly feel that I have received effective information that I can use in both my professional and personal environments. Thank you!” – Amy Cinkovich, Case Manager/Service Coordiator, State of Nevada, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“Fantastic. Period.” – Russ Morrisson, Social Worker, Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“I liked the method Izzy used to demonstrate how to manage situations that come up in every kind of relationship. I think his book would be helpful to any mental health professional, certainly anyone working with children.” – Janet Hamill, Social Worker (retired) Reno, Nevada (9.20.07)

“I felt that some of the assumptions were made that needed to be addressed, such as: this works with adults best; words do hurt young children who are forming a self-image. And, not all adults who are ‘normal’ care if you like them or if they hurt your feelings.” – Name Withheld, Counselor, Columbia, South Carolina (9.24.07)

“By participating in the role playing, I learned first hand how to play ‘Izzy’s game.’ I will take this role playing experience into my personal life as well as my professional life. Thank you Izzy!” – Cheryl Hooks, Counselor, Columbia, South Carolina (9.24.07)

“Thank you for articulating and drawing together many ideas I have been using in therapy–the Golden Rule, forgiveness, choosing harmony over being ‘right’ (or winning)–I will use these ideas and your rules to good purpose.” – Penelope Williams, Counselor, Columbia, South Carolina (9.24.07)

“An outstanding and highly useful presentation. Great humor by the presenter! Reminds me of Jerry Springer–a more intelligent JS. Excellent materials.” – Edward Vaugh, Counselor, Columbia, South Carolina (9.24.07)

“Awesome presentation!! Great personality.” – Mari Bolden, Counselor/Drug and Alcohol Abuse Counselor, Columbia, South Carolina (9.24.07)

“Great seminar in every way! I want to take more of your workshops.” – Williard Dunn, Counselor, Columbia, South Carolina (9.24.07)

“Excellent; helpful, creative ideas; good sense of humor; appreciate the common sense reality approach along with spiritual overtones. Thanks for the courage to speak up about how our country should turn back around to some common sense values.” – James Harbin, Counselor, Columbia, South Carolina (9.24.07)

“Excellent seminar! I can use the information and techniques every day in my counseling practice! Too much about anti-bullying laws. (Don’t get angry at this comment, please.)” – Joan Havens, Counselor, Columbia, South Carolina (9.24.07)

“Presenter – knowledgeable, creative, genuine, honest. Content – very useful and will be tried.” – Ruthjenells Spear, Counselor/Social Worker/Marriage and Family Therapist, Charlotte, North Carolina (9.25.07)

“I agree with his views regarding freedom of speech.” – Julie Viveros, Nurse, Charlotte, North Carolina (9.25.07)

“Very useful information. Thought provoking information and applicable.” – Danny Williams, Counselor/Social Worker, Charlotte, North Carolina (9.25.07)

“Well organized presentation. Very informative. Many new ideas.” –Meredith Lee, Counselor, Charlotte, North Carolina (9.25.07)

“This seminar has been one of the best Cross Country seminars that I’ve ever attended!” – Amy Cozart, Counselor/Educator, Charlotte, North Carolina (9.25.07)

“I can see the value of this technique in the groups I facilitate for Domestic Violence.” – Russell Keeney, Case Manager/Counselor/Social Worker, Charlotte, North Carolina (9.25.07)

“Really enjoyed this. It will help personally and professionally. Thank you!” – Kim Phillips, Counselor, Charlotte, North Carolina (9.25.07)

“Outstanding reality based presentation, which was honest about some of the few limitations of some of the strategies with given populations. Thank you for the quality of the presentation.” – Mary Alice Garrison, Mental Health Clinician, Charlotte, North Carolina (9.25.07)

“I have attended several Cross Country Education training. This is one of the best and I am anxious to use these skills professionally and personally. Thanks.” – Kathy Suazo, Social Worker, Colorado Springs, Colorado (10.9.07)

“One of the best seminars I attended all year. Great information, great presesnter.” – Colleen Ems, Counselor, Colorado Springs, Colorado (10.9.07)

“I loved your song! If only I could remember the tune to it, I’d sing it to my women’s group tonight. Your sense of humor is a delight. I enjoyed the inclusion of the world’s religious philosophies – wisdom is wisdom. Thank you for supporting my spiritual beliefs that anger is not necessary as psychology teaches us.”  - Terri Dodd, Social Worker, Colorado Springs, Colorado (10.9.07)

“Very knowledgeable and well organized. Excellent workshop I would recommend to anyone. I wish my wife had come with me!” – Ronald Baptist, Counselor/Respiratory Therapist, Colorado Springs, Colorado (10.9.07)

“I plan to put this ‘game’ into immediate action with my personal life and then teach it to the students with whom I work.” – Jane Lockwood, Social Worker, Colorado Springs, Colorado (10.9.07)

“Your counseling premise of client responsibility is refreshing. Your technique of reaching anger control will serve me personally and help me to teach my clients understanding of their role in their own issues.” – Jackie Douglas, Counselor/Drug and Alcohol Abuse Counselor, Colorado Springs, Colorado (10.9.07)

“Appreciate the work done that challenges the status quo and gives us the tools, knowledge and information to integrate, use and improve therapists’ work.” – Della Romero, Certified Personal Trainer/Counselor/Drug and Alcohol Abuse Counselor/Massage Therapist, Denver, Colorado (10.10.07)

“Fantastic seminar! One of the best seminars I have attended. Great information and presentation.” – Erich Schultz, Counselor, Denver, Colorado (10.10.07)

“Izzy was funny and had a very entertaining approach. He really brought a huge issue back to the fundamentals and presented simple realistic solutions. Excellent info and job.” – Becky Johnson, Educator, Denver, Colorado (10.10.07)

“These strategies are applicable to all aspects of the mental health field as well as life in general!” – Mike Madden, Counselor, Denver, Colorado (10.10.07)

“I enjoyed the content and ideas of the presentation and material. I am still thinking through how it will work with my clients. I can definitely use these principles in my marriage and in any social relationship.” – Kristin Higgins, Case Manager, Denver, Colorado (10.10.07)

In this issue:

 

The Bias Shackling Psychology

 

The Biased Research on Violence in Entertainment

Dear Reader:

I hope that your holiday season is everything you've hoped it would be, and I wish you a Happy New Year.

I'm still behind in my Newsletters. I was hoping to send one out before the end of November, but now I'm struggling to send one out before the end of December.

I believe the main article in this newsletter may be the most important piece I have ever written for the mental health professions, so if you find it worthwhile, please pass it on to others.

I began my studies to become a mental health professional about three-and-a-half decades ago, a time of tremendous excitement. Creativity abounded. New and diverse approaches for helping people were being developed. For the past couple of decades, though, the psychological sciences have been stagnating. They have been trying so hard to improve mental health in society, and the results have been nothing to write home about. Though there are more mental health professionals than ever, social problems continue to plague us and mass random shootings are occurring with greater frequency. With perhaps a couple of exceptions, all the therapeutic techniques used today were developed decades ago, and new approaches are little more than rehashing of older ones. We are increasingly turning to medication and to the legal system to solve social and emotional problems.

Why are we making such little progress? I propose here that it’s mainly due to a bias that has shackled us, suppressing creativity and scientific objectivity, and making it harder to promote mental health. Our profession needs to be saved from this insidious bias so that we can return to the path of progress we abandoned a couple of decades ago.

The second article is also about scientific bias. Namely, bias in the research on violent entertainment.

I invite you to pass the current articles on to others and to reprint them in your own publications.

I also invite you to reproduce articles in previous newsletters for your own publications (please cite the author and source).

Please consult the right-hand side-bar for my upcoming seminar schedule.

The Bias Shackling Psychology

Are you a mental health professional? If so, you probably became one because of idealism. You wanted to help people solve their problems and become happier (and maybe figure out how to solve your own problems in the bargain!) And do you feel disillusioned? Have you discovered that helping people (and yourself) in the real world is not as easy as you learned in university?

The goal of the mental health sciences is to help people become happy and get along with each other. And we seem to be getting nowhere. A higher percentage of people are taking psychiatric medication for anxiety, depression and behavior problems than ever before. The country has legions of licensed Marriage and Family Therapists, yet the divorce rate remains around 50%. The divorce rate among the therapists themselves is probably no lower than among the general population. The majority of couples going to marriage counseling with the hope of saving their marriages end up getting divorced. Despite eight post-Columbine years of massive efforts to reduce bullying, bullying is said to be escalating in the country and schools are having to pay millions of dollars at a shot to parents who sue them for failing to stop their kids from being bullied.

Every other field of science has had the most amazing accomplishments. They sent men to the moon. They mapped the human genome. They developed medicines that enable people with AIDS to live an almost normal life. They split the atom. Why can’t we have the same levels of success that carpenters and plumbers and farmers and electricians and dentists and biologists and physicists have in their professions? Despite endless research and programs, why are we still trying to figure out how to get people to be happy and to get along with each other?

There is no good reason that the mental health sciences shouldn’t have had more success in promoting emotional and social well-being. The paths to happiness and harmony have been known for thousands of years. But to advance these paths, the mental health sciences need to be saved from a bias that has blinded them in recent decades–a bias so pervasive that no one is aware of it though it is right under our noses.  And it is this bias that has veered us away from the road to advancing mental health.

Before I continue, I want it to be clear that people aren’t intentionally biased. Everyone honestly believes they see objectively. However, people, including scientists, cannot see their own biases. They are not being stupid or evil. They are simply being blinded by their biases. Someone else is required to reveal our biases to us.

Clues to the bias

I have never seen this bias identified anywhere else, though others have had an inkling of it and clues can be found elsewhere. A year-or-so ago, Psychotherapy Networker magazine (sorry, I can’t locate the issue) carried an article about their recent annual convention, attended by about 3,000 mental health professionals. That convention featured the old guard of psychotherapy, the greatest living psychotherapists that are still able to speak. The article said that these pillars of psychotherapy are disappointed by the lack of progress in the field of psychotherapy, with their general complaint being that the field has become “bureaucratic.” The article gave no other explanation for this–only a one-sentence statement about the field becoming bureaucratic.

The most recent issue of Psychotherapy Networker (November/December 2007) contained an article called The Accidental Therapist, by Mary Sikes Wiley, eulogizing the great Jay Haley on his recent passing. It spoke of the influence on Haley of Milton Erickson, one of the most highly revered and revolutionary therapists of all time. Wiley writes, “These days, a therapist as freewheeling as Erickson would give the risk-management industry a collective stroke.”

“Bureaucracy.” “Risk-management.” What do these things have to do with hampering the progress of mental health? The answer is that they both are related to the bias I will be revealing in this article.

Revealing the bias

To lay the foundation for recognizing this bias, I’m going to ask you a few questions.

1. To which discipline do the mental health professions belong?
A. Law
B. Science

2. Which discipline is more likely to reflect objective reality?
A. Law
B. Science

3. A professional has just told you to do something, and you immediately obeyed. Of the following two, which professional is it more likely to have been?
A. Law enforcement officer
B. Mental health professional

Chances are you answered “B” on items #1 and #2. Though mental health professionals are often involved with the legal system, we consider ourselves practitioners of science. Science is concerned with understanding objective reality. Science is supposed to stubbornly search for ultimate truth and should not be afraid of its discoveries.

Law, on the other hand, is an artificial product of human beings. Governments of people make rules called “laws” they hope will help the man-made social organization function. Governments may try to be objective when they pass laws, and they may look to science to help them with their decisions and judgments, but law is ultimately a man-made field directed by the subjective political interests of the people in power.

What did you answer for item #3? Probably “A”.

In terms of objective truth , science is a higher-level discipline than law. However, when it comes to influencing our actual behavior, law is on top! Newspapers, radio and TV bombard us daily with fresh scientific studies documenting the dangers of fast food, but gun-toting police officers will do nothing to stop you from eating three meals a day at McDonald’s, Taco Bell and Dunkin’ Donuts. Your body will ultimately pay the price, as will the family members and others who depend upon you. But government gunslingers will protect your freedom to ruin your health at these fast food establishments.

On the other hand, get caught running a red light at a deserted intersection, or choosing to have your mood altered by peace-enhancing marijuana rather than aggression-enhancing alcohol, and those same gunslingers will swoop down to fine you or put you in jail.

And this is the bias I’m referring to: THE LEGAL BIAS. Our thinking and behavior as mental health professionals is supposed to be guided by science, but once the law is involved, obeying the law comes first. If you have to make a decision between doing what you believe is scientifically correct or doing what’s legal, you had better do the legal thing or you’re going to get in trouble.

Why don’t we see through this legal bias? Because we don’t want to! It would threaten our livelihood. Who pays our salaries? More and more, it’s the government. Almost all mental health research is government funded. Mental health in schools is paid for by the government. Much psychological treatment is funded by the government or regulated by the government. As a result of Columbine, our government spends hundreds of millions of dollars a year on anti-bullying research and programs.

The government’s immediate concern is the safety of its citizens. However, there is a big difference between promoting mental health and promoting safety. Safety can be legislated to a large degree, but mental health can’t. Laws can take away people's incentive to do things that hurt others, but no law can force people to become emotionally healthy.

It is impossible to grow emotionally if all we experience is safety. We would grow up being emotional marshmallows, unequipped to deal with difficulty. The experience of danger and adversity are necessary for the development of emotional strength and maturity. But because the psychological sciences are subservient to the government's safety agenda, we have the absurd situation today of the psychological professions simultaneously trying to figure out how to increase children’s resilience while striving to create a school environment that is completely safe, meaning, an environment that deprives children of the conditions needed for the development of resilience.

So, from the combined factors of 1) fear of getting in trouble with the law and 2) our salaries ultimately being paid by the government, we devote our energies to the goals of the legal system instead of promoting objective truth. The government wants schools to be free of bullies, so we treat bullying like a crime and become anti-bully policemen while stubbornly ignoring the psychological research that shows that this approach is ineffective and often results in increased bullying.

The government dictates that marijuana must stay illegal, so we ignore the overwhelming body of scientific research that shows marijuana to be a safer and more benign substance than alcohol, and you therefore won’t find any mental health organizations advocating the legalization of marijuana.

The government passes a No Child Left Behind (NCLB) law, so our school psychology organizations ignore the endless evidence that this law is hurting education, and continue to promote NCLB.

The government, wanting to reduce violence in society, allocates million of dollars a year to research on violence. So our social scientists, failing to figure out how to actually reduce violence, blame the violence in society on entertainment. They design countless experiments hoping to prove that violent entertainment causes violence in real life, despite statistics showing that violence in society has been decreasing during the same period that violent entertainment has been increasing, and despite the simple observation that people don’t violently attack each other after indulging in violent entertainment.

The government mandates prison time as standard punishment and continues to build more prisons, even though prisons ultimately result in more crime. But you won’t see mental health organizations lobbying for dismantling of prisons.

The government embarks on a mission to promote ethnic diversity, so we make sure that every one of our programs “promotes diversity,” despite the fact that after two decades of intensive promotion of diversity our schools and neighborhoods are as racially segregated as ever.

We are a nation of cowards, afraid to lose our jobs or get in trouble with the law. Our allegiance is first to the law and only secondly to science, so we blindly support the law regardless of any damage the laws may be doing.

How the legal bias hinders mental health

You may wonder, nevertheless, how can the law actually hinder mental health? Permit me to explain.

There is a fundamental difference between the psychological profession and the legal profession. If I am a psychotherapist and you are my client, my job is to get you to take responsibility for your problem and lead you to a solution. If I hold someone else responsible for your problem, how can I possibly help you? I have to work with the other person and make them change.

On the other hand, if I am a lawyer and you are my client, my job is to hold someone else responsible for your problem, and let’s go sue them and make them pay. If I am your lawyer and I am holding you responsible for the problem, you should fire me and get yourself a good lawyer.

So these professions are diametrically opposed. The psychological profession is supposed to increase clients’ responsibility for their problems, while the legal profession takes responsibility away from clients and puts it on someone else.

But the only person who can make you happy and have good relationships is you. The government cannot provide you with happiness, and the government cannot force people to like you, respect you, and want to be nice to you. All the government can do is punish people when they are not nice to you. So that is a fantastic way to have good relationships: the government is going to punish us whenever we are not nice to each other!

And this is what happens when we take a legal approach to mental health. We fight for laws requiring the government to protect us from each other and to solve our problems for us. We stop seeing people as responsible for their social and emotional problems and think in terms of victims and abusers/bullies/offenders. Victims, of course, are innocent and can’t be held responsible for the problem. Instead, we blame abusers/bullies/offenders and try to make them change. The problem is that when you talk to abusers/bullies/offenders, they also present themselves as victims! So it becomes awfully hard to help our clients when the problem is always somebody else!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people in therapy tell me things like, “My therapist explained to me that my mother is bipolar/ my spouse is a bully/ my father is narcissistic.” Usually, the therapists make these diagnoses without ever meeting the “pathological” relatives. They make the diagnoses purely on the subjective information presented by the suffering clients. And I increasingly see this phenomenon of blaming in the professional literature as well. “Her husband was a bully,” is commonly popping us as a convenient explanation for the client’s marital problems. It sure makes the clients feel better because now they have someone else to hold responsible for their misery, and it means they don’t have to change because they are the good guys. It does nothing to help the clients get along better with their mothers/spouses/fathers, but it relieves both the client and the therapist from the need to do anything to repair the relationships. In fact, clients are often advised by their therapists to distance themselves from these "disturbed" relatives.

And that’s why so many people who go to marriage counseling end up getting divorced. The therapists tell them, "No one has a right to abuse you in any way," (which is legal advice; "rights" are not a scientific concept, but a legal one) and that "You should not tolerate anyone abusing you!" So of course the clients become even more intolerant of their spouses’ abusive behavior and end up divorcing them.

How we brought this upon ourselves

Oddly, we have brought this state of affairs upon ourselves, and in two ways.

One way is by lobbying for laws against abuse/harassment/ bullying. Over the decades, the mental health professions have discovered that it’s not so easy to help victims. We do therapy with victims and counsel victims, and they continue to be victimized. So we figure, “But why should the victim have to change? The victim is the good one. Their problems are caused by abusers/bullies/offenders. Let’s promote mental health by fighting for laws against abusive behavior!”

But once we invite the law to help us, the law takes over. It makes the rules, telling us what we should do and how we should do it. In recent years, the mental health organizations have been requiring their members to take professional ethics courses, usually given by lawyers. In a recent issue of Psychotherapy Networker (July/August 2007), psychologist Ofer Zur, in an article called The Ethical Eye, shows how following the dictates of the lawyers actually often prevents us from giving our clients the help they need. And that’s what Mary Sikes Wylie meant about Milton Erickson: he could get in legal trouble today for using his groundbreaking techniques.

Another thing that happens when we combine law with psychology is that psychology stops being scientifically objective. Science recognizes that everything affects everything else. Psychology understands that if people treat us badly, our behavior has something to do with it. But we have replaced science with law, and instead of regarding everyone as responsible for their role in relationship problems, we think in terms of innocent victims, who have nothing to do with the way they are treated, and guilty bullies/abusers/offenders, who are the ones in need of punishment and/or therapy.

And in case you haven't noticed, making abuse/harassment/ bullying illegal does not make it disappear. It would be wonderful if we could get rid of psychological problems by making them illegal. We wouldn’t need the mental health professions! Just pass laws and create Utopia! Rather than solving problems, these laws create new classes of criminals, and change who we deal with. So today, instead of doing therapy with victims, we are trying to do therapy with abusers/bullies/offenders. And you know what we discover? It is not so easy to help them either! “They are personality disordered,” we declare. “They have no conscience!” “It is very hard to help bullies/abusers/ offenders!” But our conscience feels better failing to help evil bullies/abusers/ offenders than failing to help poor innocent victims.

The second way the mental health professions have replaced science with law is by creating their own bureaucracies, making internal laws (or regulations) that control the way their members practice. This has become especially important to the professions since insurance has become the major funder of mental health services. Because most therapy and social/educational services today are paid for by the government, or by insurance companies that are regulated by the government, the mental health organizations enhance their power by obtaining the government's approval to be the sole determiners of who is entitled to work in their profession and earn this government-controlled money. The professional organizations even battle each other over the right to get the government money. If you are a school psychologist, you may be aware of the current desperate battle of the National Association of School Psychologists (NASP) against the American Psychological Association (APA), which has presented the government with its Model Licensure Act. This Model Licensure Act would prevent the great majority of NASP members from calling themselves "school psychologists" and would limit the services they are allowed to provide, while transferring these services to the domain of APA members. The APA, which fervently opposes bullying, is bullying another professional organization with the help of the US government. How nice!

Our professional organizations don’t want us to get into legal trouble, so they mandate us to take “professional ethics” courses whose true purpose is to teach us to “cover our behinds” rather than actually provide our clients with the help they need. Our organizations tell us what the “best practices” are, even though these occasionally resemble “worst practices.” Our professional organizations insist that we use “evidence based programs,” where evidence is defined as a paper published in a peer-reviewed journal. It doesn’t matter that the “evidence” is often a research study showing that the program produced only a mild benefit, while ignoring all the negative effects of the program; it doesn’t matter that we are not talking about a reproducible technological device that can be relied on to perform a specified function, but a “program” that can be no more effective than the practitioner implementing it; it doesn’t matter that the study may be baised and reviewed by peers who all share the same bias; it doesn’t matter that research repeatedly shows that the success of therapy is more dependent upon the personality of the therapist and the quality of the “therapeutic alliance” than on the particular approach the therapist uses. If your efforts fail but you can show that you used an “evidence-based” program, you are covering your behind and reducing your chances of getting in legal trouble.

And this is what the old-timers at the Psychotherapy Networker convention meant when they said the field of psychotherapy has become “bureaucratic.” We have lost our freedom to look for creative, ground-breaking, revolutionary techniques because we don’t want to get in trouble with the government and with our own professional organizations.

In closing, I implore you to ask yourself, “Am I a law enforcement agent, or am I a scientist?’ If your answer is “scientist,” I suggest that you recognize the difference between law and psychology and seek the truth, regardless of the courage it may require. There is a higher truth than government. Take off your legal blinders, and realize that you represent a glorious discipline whose truth is above that of man-made law. This does not mean that we need to dismantle our mental health organizations; they serve important functions. But the organizations should always remember that their purpose is to use science to advance the best interests of mankind and the world, not the dictates of government. We need to encourage freedom and creativity, not bureaucracy.

The Biased Research on Violence in Entertainment

With increasing frequency, the mental health organizations are urging us to use “research based” interventions, encouraging us to believe that researchers are the ultimate arbiters of truth. However, if you studied research and statistics, you know how easy it is for research studies to be biased.

I have written previously about the scientific bias against violent entertainment. I recently came across another example. The November/December 2007 issue of the research journal, Aggressive Behavior, had a paper called Longer You Play, the More Hostile You Feel, by Christopher Bartlett, Richard Harris, and Ross Baldassaro. The introduction says:

With the improvement in video game technology over the years, games are becoming more realistic and, possibly, more immersive, which provides a capturing, almost addictive quality. Thus, it is important for researchers to study the effects of video games, especially the negative effects, such as aggression.

This paper was, of course, reviewed by peers, who find nothing troubling about this statement. But it expresses in a nutshell the fundamental bias of the field. Why is it "especially important" to study the negative effects of playing video games? After all, if so many of our youth are playing these games, shouldn’t we want to know if these activities have any positive effects? How can scientists be experts in their subject matter if they purposely look only at the negative? Didn’t they learn that the way Mother Nature works is that when we do something biologically beneficial, we get pleasure? If video games give their players so much pleasure, aren't they fulfilling positive biological needs? Maybe we'll discover that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks? Perhaps this knowledge would help us relax about our kids’ activities instead of potentially damaging our relationships with them by restricting and punishing them for engaging in the entertainment they love? Perhaps we would even conclude that we should join our kids when they play these games.

And maybe we'll conclude that we should stop wasting government grant money on fun but pointless research experiments on violent video games and direct those funds to more productive research?

But of course the researchers aren’t interested in the positives, and neither are their peers who review their articles. They are only interested in the negatives, so all they can possibly see is the negatives. The References section of the paper lists dozens of articles on violent entertainment, and not a single one of them refers to the positive purpose of violent entertainment. Try it yourself. Conduct a search for research papers that deal with the positive effects of violent entertainment. If you find anything, I’d love to know about it!

And there you have it: at entire branch of scientific study that is biased against the subject it studies.

 

Best Wishes,

Izzy Kalman

email: izzy@bullies2buddies.com
voice: (718) 983-1333
web: http://www.bullies2buddies.com

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Order:

"Bullies to Buddies: How to turn your enemies into friends!"

by Izzy Kalman

Only $15

“This book would have kept me out of the principal's office during grade school… This is a fantastic book! I agree 100% with his approach… This is the perfect book for all of us 10 years old and up… parents or kids… victims or bullies!”— Newton Hightower, LMSW-ACP, Director of The Center for Anger Resolution, Inc., Author of Anger Busting 101: New ABCʼs for Men and The Women Who Love Them

“…an important contribution…an easy to read and practical guide on how to break the behavior patterns seemingly deeply entrenched, telling victims they need not remain in this role.” —Dr. Bernie Stein, President of the International School Psychology Association, 1999-200

“I think this book is great! After reading it twice (once aloud to the grandchildren) I was impressed by the simple logic of turning bullies into buddies. We are incorporating this into our home and I am sharing the message with children I care about.” —Judy H. Wright, Parent educator, Author, International Speaker and trainer

“So far as I know, there is no other approach like it. Highly recommended.” —Sam Albert, PhD, Psychologist

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"How to Stop Being Teased and Bullied without Really Trying"

Audio CD Program (2 one-hour cds included)

by Izzy Kalman

Only $20

“My son was teased horrifically because he tended to cry easily. Then he listened to Bullies to Buddies over the summer and the next school year was a total turn around from day one. Izzyʼs advice truly worked, it saved my son!” —Sincerely, Terri Forrest, Santa Rosa, CA

"I have listened carefully to every minute of the audio CD by Izzy Kalman on bullying and teasing. I found it mesmerizing. I was so impressed that I hired Mr. Kalman to give workshops at our Center. Mr. Kalmanʼs audio CD is the best self-help tool I have ever come across for children and adolescents. It is free of jargon and meaningless, wishful thinking. Instead, it is chock full of powerful, enhancing, empowering techniques that are easy to learn and employ. It is a must for all children, particularly those that are the target of excessive teasing and bullying. Professionals who work with children would also benefit enormously from this audio CD. On a scale of 1-10, I give it an 11.” —Dr. Steve Sussman, PhD, Director, Child and Teen Success Centers or New York and New Jersey

I just wanted to let you know about some unexpected results of your bullies CD that I purchased at the workshop in Orlando.  I have loaned the CD to a schizophrenic client that I have been seeing every month for about three years.  She deals with paranoia that, at times, becomes incapacitating. Since she has been listening to the CD once per week, she has been able to socialize at a church singles meeting every week and do volunteer work at the church.  She recalls many things in the program that she has been able to readjust her thinking around.  Actually, I was rather desperate to help her and tried the CD as a long shot and it worked! Much regards...Kay May

More Seminar Comments

“The first 1 ½ hours was wasteful and too long – this could have been presented in 45 minutes or less, since we are adults and educated people. It was also during this portion of the presentation that Izzy’s presentation was memorized and was directly out of the book. Izzy’s game and role play was helpful. Too repetitive when he said, ‘Does this make you want to be my friend?’” – Chris Meeker, Marriage and Family Therapist, Denver, Colorado (10.10.07)

“I didn’t want to take a break during the presentation because I didn’t want to mess anything.” – Sandra Ross, Counselor, Denver, Colorado (10.10.07)

“I learned a lot from this presentation; the role plays and personal experiences made it real and usable for me.” – Gloria Anderson, Counselor/Office Manager, Denver, Colorado (10.10.07)

“I think this seminar was wonderful and very helpful. The role playing is very effective and helpful as well. I will be writing this for our diocesan newspaper, and I think this will be very beneficial for many people.” – Cristine Young, Journalist, Salt Lake City (10.11.07)

“Well done, I had fun learning! I loved the role playing. I hate going to conferences where it is a lecture directly from a Power Point presentation.” – Russ Pryor, Social Worker, Salt Lake City (10.11.07)

“Very worthwhile information. I can use this for almost every diagnosis I work with. It was educational and entertaining.” – Debbie Tolton, Social Worker, Salt Lake City (10.11.07)

“Loved the analogy of the Optical Illusion, it helped change my perspective to be more objective. Also the nature versus civilization made perfect sense.” – Kathryn Grow, Social Worker, Salt Lake City (10.11.07)

“Excellent presenter and presentation. Great role play and step-by-step instruction on how to use ‘Izzy’s’ game with clients. Feel like I can use all information in my own life and with clients. Great use of humor. Best seminar I’ve been to in a long time!” – Kaleo Awana, Social Worker, Salt Lake City (10.11.07)

“Kalman’s accent is a little distracting but tolerable. It’s been a long time since I lived in NYC. Role plays were helpful. Did not respond to questions well – we’ll cover it later – better to answer twice. Modeling humor and techniques is far better than just talking about it! Good job!” – Kerry Morton, Social Worker, Salt Lake City (10.11.07)

“Great seminar ­­– I’m a true believer!” – Carolyn Giffin, Educator, Salt Lake City (10.11.07)

“Great day! Worthwhile use of my time! Changed my mindset with regards to working with bullies and victims, which will also change my approach!” – Shelley Stevens, Educator/Social Worker, Salt Lake City (10.11.07)

“Keep up the good work. I enjoyed your presentation and agree with your philosophical modus operandi. Tired of a culture wallowing in victimization.” – Vincent Brunning, Counselor, Spokane, Washington (10.16.07)

“Really enjoyed the song. Easy to listen to someone that sounds like Woody Allen. I liked the simplistic way of looking at anger–complex to our profession–but liked the ‘new’ way of controlling (pain) anger.” – Sandra Turtle, Counselor, Spokane, Washington (10.16.07)

“Very informative. I will be able to apply this technique in my job setting and also to enhance personal relationships. Provides and new way/insight to view anger and ‘victims.’” – Kelli Trautmann, Case Manager, Spokane, Washington (10.16.07)

“I love this seminar. It is very informative and I feel that when we leave here we will be able to help our clients to be more calm and I will be more in control of my Dad and Mom and me. Thank you so much.” – Annette Smith, Lay Counselor, Spokane, Washington (10.16.07)

“The skills I learned will not only help me with my clients, it will also help me in my personal life.” – Vincent Barranco, Executive Director, Life Designs Ranch, Spokane, Washington (10.16.07)

“Mr. Kalman is a creative and dynamic presenter. He kept my attention and provided pertinent information for my practice. A majority of my clients are ADHD with explosive behavior and argumentative. I feel that I have some more strategies to pass on to parents and spouses.” – Kathie Ray-Annis, Social Worker, Portland, Oregon (10.17.07)

“No meat.” – T. L., Social Worker, Portland, Oregon (10.17.07)

“Humor is not always negative. Ridicule is but laughing with is not. There are thousands of examples of jokes that also do not make fun of others. Minorities do deserve protection of basic rights. Housing, jobs, hate crimes, etc. I don’t think you were describing that.” – Rebecca Sinclair, Counselor, Portland, Oregon (10.17.07) [Rebecca – If you read this, please email me some jokes that don’t make anyone look bad. I’d love to read them!]

“Excellent material – makes me re-evaluate my ideas of what anger is. Mr. Kalman knows the subject and presents it in an easy to understand manner.” – David Williams, Educator, Portland, Oregon (10.17.07)

“I got a lot more from this seminar on a personal level than I expected. The course content was excellent. It was time well invested.” – Mary Gates, Social Worker, Portland, Oregon (10.17.07)

“This seminar was very informative, and a great learning experience. Thank you Izzy! I will use the rules to help realize my husband can be my best friend.” – Deanna Greer, Office Manager, Portland, Oregon (10.17.07)

“Good stuff! Really helps me think outside of the box.” – Kris Norelius, Counselor, Seattle, Washington (10.18.07)

“I really like that you are teaching personal responsibility. I agree that our world has become blaming and not taking personal responsibility. This is becoming our downfall.” – Marcia Stangeland, Counselor, Seattle, Washington (10.18.07)

“Izzy Kalman is a total mensch! I registered because I needed some CE credit and ended up learning ideas and techniques that will benefit myself, my family, clients and school. And I get some laughs along the way! Thanks!” – E.B., Psychologist/Teacher, Seattle, Washington (10.18.07)

“Very helpful and informative. Izzy’s sense of humour makes the subject matter easy to digest. As funny as Woody Allen but not nearly as neurotic.” – Carol Kelley, Marriage and Family Therapist, Seattle, Washington (10.18.07)

“I feel this is the best training (for work and for personal/individual psychology) I’ve attended in years. Too may questions–too little time. It’s important, relevant to the most serious problems in relationships and society, and it offers techniques to prevent and/or improve the conflicts/problems we face at home, domestically and internationally. Also, Mr. Kalman draws from historical evidence, common psychological  qualities in all people, and he highlights the importance of education in one’s cultivation of anger-management skills. Great.” – S.C., Social Worker, Seattle, Washington (10.18.07)

“Very well-prepared, genuine, dedicated. Ideas simply, understandably presented. His diffusion of anger, bullying, etc., is more powerful than David Burns’ methods (easier to comprehend and apply).” – Fred Lippert, Counselor/ Marriage and Family Therapist, Seattle, Washington (10.18.07)