The Golden Rule: The Only Solution

What do we want? For everyone to treat each other like friends. This is the Golden Rule: Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself. 2400 years ago, Aristotle explained that if everyone lived by the Golden Rule there would be no need for government. If we all treated each other the way we would like to be treated, we would have Peace on Earth.

How can I get you to treat me like a friend? Can I do it be treating you like an enemy? Of course not! If I treat you like an enemy you will treat me back like an enemy. The one and only way I can get you to treat me like a friend is if I treat you like a friend. The problem is that we don’t know what it means to treat people like friends. The Golden Rule is little more than a slogan for most people. We have no idea how to apply it. We routinely treat others like enemies without realizing it, and then we wonder why others are mean to us.

Many people think that the Golden Rule is needed by bullies and abusers. The truth is that it is needed by victims as well. If you are being repeatedly victimized, it’s because you are not living by the Golden Rule.

This manual will teach you how to reduce prejudice by yourself, by applying the Golden Rule. The legal approach – trying to get people in trouble with the law for being mean to you – is not nice. It is a violation of the Golden Rule and should be considered only as a last resort, when you can’t find a better way.

Focus on Anti-Semitism        

This manual is intended to be a guide for all groups. However, I will demonstrate the approach strictly for handling anti-Semitism (prejudice against Jews). Why?

It’s not because I am a Jew (I am) or that I feel my group’s problem is more legitimate or urgent than others’. It is because I don’t want people complaining, “Who are you to tell my group how to live our lives and solve our problems?” So I will address the problems of my group, and I hope that you will be able to generalize the lessons to your group as well.

All groups are different, and Jews may be substantially different from yours. Jews, at least in the US, don’t look substantially different from the mainstream white population, though our noses may be a tad larger on average, fewer of us have blond hair and blue eyes, and some of us dress differently. And we are, as a group, financially successful. Nevertheless, many people in the world still hate us and want to kill us. In fact, Jews may have the distinction of being the most hated minority in history. But regardless of what group you belong to, I believe that the Bullies to Buddies^® approach to anti-Semitism will work for you, too.

My Personal Background

I’d like you to know about my own background. I grew up in the shadow of the Holocaust. My parents survived World War II (which ended in 1945) and were sent to a displaced person’s camp in Munich, Germany. That was where they met, married, and had my sister. In 1951, they were allowed to immigrate to the USA – New York City (Hymie Town) - and one year later I was born in the Bronx. My dad apparently suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (I wasn’t aware of that disorder when I was a kid), as he would often scream horribly in his sleep. Awareness of the horrific events of World War II and of my parents’ experiences has colored the way I look at life. I’ve learnt we humans are capable of becoming monsters, and I’m rarely surprised by new examples of our inhumanity toward each other.

I attended Jewish schools from first grade through high school, and I always wore a yarmulka (Jewish skullcap). This made me a visible target of Jew haters. I was often derided verbally and occasionally attacked physically, a couple times quite seriously. Had these attacks happened in recent years, they may have made the local news. Society has become far more tolerant in recent decades, and physical attacks are much rarer than they were when I was growing up.

Despite the recurring attacks, I didn’t develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (I believe today many mental health professionals would rush to assume PTSD would be an inevitable consequence of my experiences.) Nothing I experienced could compare with what my parents suffered, and I wasn’t traumatized by attacks that seemed quite normal to me. I don’t consciously harbor any bitterness towards non-Jews for the way I was treated and I have no desire for revenge. They helped me realize that the world is not Heaven. My motivation today is to help others stop suffering needlessly.

From this point forward, I will be talking about anti-Semitism. Please realize that it is merely one example, and despite specific differences between Jews and other groups, my intentions are universal.

The Failure to Eradicate Anti-Semitism        

For decades, a slew of Jewish organizations have been fighting anti–Semitism. You’d think the problem would be gone by now. Not so! Seems every new generation discovers an excuse to ”get the Jews," and our organizations have to ratchet up their activities again. We seem to be going around in circles. Why is it so hard to get the world to stop hating us?

I suggest that many of the things Jewish organizations have done to combat hatred of Jews have backfired. As I demonstrate at my seminars, our actions often accomplish the exact opposite of what we expect. Just as I teach victims how to stop being bullied without being against bullies, I’m going to show you how to deal with anti–Semitism without being against anti–Semites.

This will, of course, outrage some of my fellow Jews. They’ll accuse me of blaming Jews for anti–Semitism. I want to make it very clear: I don’t blame Jews, just as I don't blame any victims for the crimes committed against them.

I honestly don't believe or accept that anything we Jews have ever done—even the possible complicity in the killing of Jesus—justifies the way we’ve been persecuted.

For thousands of years other groups have treated us like enemies, and we want them to finally stop. However, we Jews have been so concerned with defending ourselves we haven't noticed we’ve been treating others like enemies. We’ll only end anti–Semitism when we learn to treat the rest of the world like friends. As Mahatma Gandhi and Dr. King so eloquently taught: “Meet hate with love.”

A Recent Example

I was inspired to write this manual on racism/anti-Semitism by the hullabaloo caused by an article entitled “The Jews” appearing in the October 2004 issue of The Chronicle, the Duke University student newspaper. (You can access the article at http://www.chronicle.duke.edu/vnews/display.v/ART/2004/10/18/4173b1de57041?in_archive=1 if it is still available Online). The author was a Black student, Philip Kurian, who was apparently inspired by a Palestinian conference at Duke. In response, massive protests were held by Duke's Jewish students as well as national Jewish organizations. The school subsequently organized a big "healing" conference to raise sensitivity and re–establish a feeling of trust on campus. One of the results was an apology issued by the author of the article.

Philip Kurian took some truths and half–truths and wrote an article that I would not consider totally objective. But what article is? Personally, I think Mr. Kurian made some good points, and I was impressed by his knowledge of Jews. I think he may know more about Jews and Judaism than many Jews. But it’s amazing how much anger and upset the writer generated. The article itself would probably not have had any consequences on the well–being of the Jewish people, but the reaction to the article has. By giving so much attention and power to those who criticize Jews, we’re unwittingly encouraging people to continue to rant against us. It’s so easy and so much fun to get these Jewish crybabies upset!

The “Light” of Victimhood

For centuries, we Jews have seen ourselves as a "light unto the nations," meaning that it’s our job to teach the rest of the world how to live properly. Unfortunately, we’ve been doing a lousy job of teaching the true lessons of Judaism – how to live by the Golden Rule. Instead, we’ve done an exemplary job at teaching other groups to see themselves, like Jews, as victims.

For the past sixty years, we’ve emphasized the Holocaust so much, not only to others but to ourselves, that Jewish identity has become almost synonymous with victimhood. Ask most people in the world what they know factually about Jews, and there’s a good chance they’ll say we were victims of the Holocaust. Our Holocaust museums have made it their objective to fight intolerance not only of Jews but of any ethnic and religious groups. Our organizations go into schools to teach about intolerance. And the students are learning well.

I believe we Jews can take credit for teaching the public that the worst thing that can happen to them is to have someone say something negative about their group.

I think it is high time our Jewish organizations stopped promoting a victim mentality and went back to teaching the Golden Rule. The rest of this manual will show how it can work.