Hollywood and Racism

We are so happy to hate bullies that we fail to see the harm anti-bully policies are causing. In my profession’s (school psychology) monthly newspaper, the Communique, authors of an article on “relational aggression” (the supposedly female version of bullying) claimed that relational aggression is escalating, and hypothesize that the cause of the escalation is anti-bullying programs. The article states:

I am fortunate to have made the acquaintance of a wonderful man, Tom Cirignano. He first got in touch with me several years ago, when he discovered my website while looking to help a young victim of bullying. Last year, he emailed me asking me to review a manuscript of a book he had written about his life experiences. I didn't expect much (lots of amateurs write books and think they are terrific), but I was very pleasantly surprised. I couldn't put the book down. In fact, I volunteered to write the Foreword to the book (and I was glad he agreed).

We ARE individuals, but we are not ONLY individuals. Though we are not aware of it, we actually live at three levels simultaneously, and I do not mean this in any mystical sense.

At a recent seminar, one attendee was an expert in all the research on bullying. (She certainly spends more time reading the drivel than I do). She was fascinated by my point of view, but mostly dismissive because it is contrary to all she has learned from the published research. She acknowledged that my approach represents "a small part of the picture".

Anyway, this expert declared that her definition of bullying is "dehumanizing people." She includes the holocaust and slavery in her definition of bullying.

At my seminars I teach that humor is not positive; it is negative. It is a mirror of human faults. We laugh at people's stupidity, clumsiness and misery. Compliments will not make people laugh - unless there is an insult embedded in it. Only insults have the potential of being funny. I sometimes challenge people to tell me a joke that doesn't make anyone look bad.

The single most common–and angry–criticism I get is that I "blame victims." Today, in the view of the mental health professions, the worst thing that one can do is to blame victims. If you suggest that victims of bullying or abuse have anything to do with the way they are treated, you are asking for trouble. Since my approach to helping victims of bullying is to teach them how to solve their problem by themselves, without anyone's help and without getting anyone in trouble, many people accuse me of this most heinous of crimes–blaming victims.

On February 24th, I spoke at the annual conference of COYO (Committee of Youth Officers) of Ontario, Canada, for the mental health and law enforcement communities. Bullying obviously remains a hot topic. Both mornings started out with films informing us of the horrors of bullying. We were informed that physical injuries heal, but emotional injuries last forever. This is important new information. Based on this, we should take down our shingles. I always thought that psychotherapy exists so we can help with emotional healing and promote resilience.

Are you a typical modern human being? Then the following describes what you go through at least a few times a week.

You're sitting on your living room couch watching TV and some mouthwatering food flashes before your eyes. Hunger aroused, you go to the refrigerator and find something tasty to munch on.

In the decade since Columbine, thousands of research studies have been done on bullying, yet the world is no closer to a solution. Countries that embark on intensive anti-bully campaigns discover that the more intensively they fight bullying, the more intense bullying gets. Why? Quite simply, the anti-bully movement, while initiated and promoted by psychologists, is terrible psychology. In fact, it is an abandonment of the most basic psychological and philosophical principles.